What is an Anniversary Response or Anniversary Reaction?

The 11th anniversary of the Sudden Death of Princess Diana today, the 3rd anniversary of Hurricane Katrina a few days ago (August 29) and the upcoming anniversaries of the deaths of Steve Irwin (September 4, the 2nd) and September 11th (the 7th) all are reminders of what loved ones may experience as these dates near...an Anniversary Response.

Anniversary dates of a tragic event, the actual date of the death, the birth date of a loved one, holidays or other special occasions are common triggers for an Anniversary reaction or a grief response; this is a sudden unexpected rush of memories, intense emotions and feelings of grief.

Anniversary Reaction - Defined
The National Center for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder provides the following formal definition of an Anniversary Reaction:

On the anniversary of traumatic events, some people may find that they experience an increase in distressing memories of the event. These memories may be triggered by reminders, but memories may also seem to come from out of the blue while at work, home, or doing recreational activities. An increase in distress around the anniversary of a traumatic event is commonly known as an "anniversary reaction" and can range from feeling mildly upset for a day or two to a more extreme reaction in which an individual experiences significant psychiatric or medical symptoms.

Coping with an Anniversary Reaction
One way of coping with an Anniversary Reaction is to understand what to anticipate. The anniversary reaction can involve days, weeks or even months prior to the anniversary date of anxiety, anger, nightmares, flashbacks, depression or fear.

Ways of Coping on the Date of the Anniversary

The following list is a collection of different suggestions, activities and ideas of what to do on the actual anniversary date:

• Gather with friends and families reminisce and tell favorite stories or memories about the person who has died.
• Plan a remembrance service, celebration of life or find a special way of honoring the loved one lost.
• Take flowers to the grave site, memorial site or location of the tragedy.
• Plan a distraction, such as a weekend away or a visit with friends or relatives.
• Create a road side memorial for a love one who has died in a car accident.
• Make a donation to a charitable organization in the person's name on birthdays or holidays.
• Build an ofrenda or altar with portraits, personal goods, clothing, favorite foods and possessions of the deceased family member.
• Make a toast or say a prayer or blessing at the start of a family meal.
• Listen to their favorite music.
• Light a candle.
• Look at old photos or videos.
• Share memories over tea.
• Plant a tree.
• Establish a scholarship.
• Dedicate a bench or plaque.
• Write letters or a journal to the loved one to express your feelings.
• Create a new tradition. This can be very helpful during the holidays. Instead of celebrating the same place and the same way as when the loved one was alive, find a new place and a new way.

Start a New Tradition
Starting a new tradition is perhaps one of the best ways of coping with a loss. Following the unexpected death of Steve Irwin to celebrated his life and his legacy a year later the Family created the "Steve Irwin Day."

Create a Memorial
For what would have been John Lennon's 67th birthday on Videy Island in Reykjavik, Iceland last year Yoko Ono unveiled the Imagine Peace Tower as a way of encouraging global peace.

Light a Candle
Since 1997, on the second Sunday in December The Compassionate Friends (TCF) hold a Worldwide Candle Lighting in memory of all children who have died too soon. On this day people around the world are encouraged to light a candle to so that...Their Light May Always Shine.

More Information
Dyer KA. 2007 - 2008. Anniversary Reaction - When Remembering Isn't Always a Happy Occasion. Squidoo.com

Sources: Hamblen J, Friedman M, Schnurr P. 2007. Anniversary Reactions: A National Center for PTSD Fact Sheet. National Center for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

Photo Source: Sophie. Heart. Royalty Free Use.

Sacred Life Sunday
This post is one of the Celebrating Sacred Life Sundays Post, a weekly celebration of what is sacred and special in our life. Anniversaries are a reminder to me what is sacred and what we need to celebrate as being special in our lives.
See the first post on Sacred Life Sunday to read more.

Being with a Dying Person - A Sacred Event

For me when I was a medical student, a resident physician or a physician in practice and now as a bereavement professor, one of the most sacred experiences was that of being with a person during their final stages or life. Being able to walk with someone through the dying process is one of the most challenging and sacred of experiences.

This is the reason that I've selected the topic of Being with a Dying Person as the another topic for Sacred Life Sundays.

Sharing the End of Life
Sharing the wonder and the terror of being on the edge of being is bearing a witness to a person's final journey. Walking with a loved one or a patient on this sacred final path is a very extraordinary and intimate experience, as we learn the importance of just being.

Former New York Times book review editor and essayist, Anatole Broyard offered some wise first-hand insights about being with a person at the end of life in his essay "Doctor Talk to Me." In this article he encourages people, doctors in particular, to open their hearts to the dying patient with a reminder that...

Not every patient can be saved, but his illness may be eased by the way the doctor responds to him...
In learning to talk to his patients, the doctor may talk himself back into loving his work.
He has little to lose and much to gain by letting the sick man into his heart.
If he does, they can share, as few others can, the wonder, terror and exaltation of being on the edge of being.

Being a Healing Presence
Often the most difficult role of a physician or a family member is knowing when to "let go" with someone at the end of life and just "to be." We may feel as though we have little to offer the dying patient, yet these wise words from Anatole Broyard, a dying patient, can help us to realize that illness may be eased by the way the doctor (or the family) responds to the patient.

There is a healing power in human presence in simply being.

Just Be

Be yourself and relate person to person.
Be ready to listen again and again.
Be respectful.
Be aware of feelings and non-verbal cues.
Be present.
Be comfortable with silence.
Be human.
Be genuine.
Most of all--Be there.

© Kirsti A. Dyer, MD, MS

Sharing the Silence
Dr. Rachel Naomi Remen offers the following description of being and sharing true intimacy.

We experience intimacy not by sharing words,
but by sharing the silence.

In the end of life what matters, what makes the difference, is taking the time to slow down, to hold a hand, to give support, to just be and to share the silence.

Sacred Life Sunday
This post is one of the Celebrating Sacred Life Sundays Post, a weekly celebration of what is sacred and special in our life. See the first post on Sacred Life Sunday to read more.

______________________________

Sources:
Dyer, K. Healers and Healing. July 1998. At: http://dying.about.com/od/poetry/a/healers.htm
Ostaseski F. How to be with a Dying Person. On Our Own Terms. 2000, Educational Broadcasting Corporation/Public Affairs Television, Inc. At: http://www.pbs.org/wnet/onourownterms/articles/withperson-tools.html
Being a Supportive Friend to A Grieving Person, North Central Florida Hospice, Inc. 1996. http://www.journeyofhearts.org/jofh/kirstimd/friend.htm
Rabow MW, McPhee SJ. Beyond breaking bad news: how to help patient who suffer. WJM 1999:171:260-263. At: http://www.pubmedcentral.nih.gov/articlerender.fcgi?artid=1305864
Broyard A. Doctor Talk to Me. New York Times. August, 26 1990.

Image Source:
Julio Cid. Being Hands. Used with Permission

Earth Hour - Turn out the Lights on 3/29 Prevent the Loss of the Planet

I am taking a bit of a digression from the Normal Grief, Loss & Transitions postings to post a blog about Earth Hour, a Global Event on March 29 to raise awareness about Climate Change.

The topic of Climate Change does relate to this blog topic of Grief, Loss and Transitions. We are seeing a transition in the global climate, which may lead to a loss and grief of things we have previously taken for granted.

Do Something While We Still have a Chance
Al Gore's quotes from an Inconvenient Truth really got to me as a Mother of two young children:

Future generations may well have occasion to ask themselves, "What were our parents thinking? Why didn't they wake up when they had a chance?"

We have to hear that question from them, now.

I want to make sure that my daughter's get to enjoy hiking and being out in nature the same way that I have been able to do.

Lights out on Earth Hour 2008, March 29
On March 29, 2008 at 8:00 pm millions of people, businesses and governments around the world will be switching off the lights for one hour during Earth Hour 2008.

I've been trying to spread the word and get people to sign up and turn off the lights on March 29 to do something good for the planet.

Earth Hour a simple one time act, but it's away of getting people, families, businesses and governments involved and thinking about Climate Change. Hopefully by raising awareness people will start doing other things in their daily lives to make a difference.

More Information:
You can read more about Earth Hour and more simple things you can do to make a difference in the various articles that I've posted on the topic on Squidoo, "Earth Hour 2008 on March 29, 2008 Turn off the Lights" on Type A Mom "Turn out the lights for Earth Hour March 29, 2008" on the Lensroll "Earth Hour 2008 - Turn out the Lights for One Hour" and on Momshare "Lights Out for Earth Hour on March 29, 2008 and for the Planet."

Sacred Life Sunday
This is a Celebrating Sacred Life Sundays Post, a weekly celebration of what is sacred and special in our life.

For me there is nothing more Sacred than ensuring my daughters get to enjoy hiking and being out in nature, something that I have done all of my life.

Resources:
Dyer KA. Earth Hour 2008 on March 29, 2008 Turn off the Lights. Squidoo.com
Dyer KA. Turn out the lights for Earth Hour March 29, 2008. Type-A Mom.
Dyer KA. Earth Hour 2008 - Turn out the Lights for One Hour. Lensroll.
Dyer KA. Lights Out for Earth Hour on March 29, 2008 and for the Planet. Momshare.

Light a Candle for Sacred Life Sunday

The first Sacred Life Sunday post is dedicated to Carla and her amazing candles. (If you haven't tried any of the Zena Moon Candles be sure to order some for your own sacred ceremonies.)

Creating a Mini Sacred Moment
I find during times of stress or duress or when I want to focus my thoughts on something, I will often light a favorite candle and just sit, watch the hypnotic flames and thing about Chandogya Upanishad's quote that

There is a light that shines
beyond all things on earth,
beyond us all, beyond the heavens.
This is the light that shines in our hearts.

Stopping to light a candle helps me to reconnect with the light that shines in our heart. Thanks to Carla, when picking out a candle to light I can choose one with a soothing, calming scent and combined with a favorite quote. (The one picture, intuition is the amazingly soothing scent of rain and plum.)

After lighting a favorite candle I can then sit for a few moments, watch the flame, focus on the quote and recenter myself as part of a mini sacred moment.

Creating a More Elaborate Sacred Moment
You can read about the A Cleansing, Healing Candle Burning Ceremony for suggestions on ways of creating a more elaborate sacred candle burning ceremony.

About Zena Moon Candles
Carla has made the Zena Moon Candles since 2000. Her unique hand-poured candles honor your journey, delight your senses and feed your spirit. I have a collection of her candles around my desk with "Inspiration," "Radiance," "Take a Risk," "Protection," "Faith," "Angel Blessings" and "Beyond Fear" are those closest at hand.

Sacred Life Sunday
This is a Celebrating Sacred Life Sundays Post, a weekly celebration of what is sacred and special in our life.

More on Lighting Candles:
Dyer KA. February 2008. A Cleansing, Healing Candle Burning Ceremony Grief, Loss & Transitions Blog.
Dyer KA. July 2007. Restoring Moment: Light a Candle. Type-A Mom Site.
Dyer KA. November 2007. Worldwide Candle Lighting Lens. Squidoo.