Healers and Healing - Learning to Let Go

Healers and Healing was written soon after I finished my residency program in 1996. It was written as my way of expressing my experiences with as a medical student, resident physician and physician in training  hospice and hospice care.

What I discovered (and this is even more difficult with all of the new advances and new technology) is that often the most difficult role of a physician may be knowing when to "let go," and just "to be."

Healers and Healing

Healing,
the ancient covenant between physician and patient
a promise to cure,
to save,
and to restore. 

Healing
appears in many forms--
The right antibiotics for an infectious organism
The curative chemotherapy for a malignant tumor
The correct diagnosis in a complex case. 

But what of the terminal diagnosis
with no treatment options
when your diagnostic skills are no longer required
your presence will not alter the course? 

Then
Healing manifests on the purest level--
an extension of the soul,
aiding in the acceptance of the process
finding peace and serenity
on the path leading to transition. 

Healing
of pain,
suffering,
and emotional distress.
No longer with technical devices
and the newest medication. 

But just
A cheerful smile
An open ear
A gentle touch
A warm embrace
Taking the time to listen, to be
to share a part of yourself. 

Healing
becomes an expression of caring and love.
The greatest gift of all
may be the ability
to walk with a person
help provide them with strength
and courage
on their path to transition
and then let go.

© 1996 Kirsti A. Dyer, MD, MS

About the Poem
Healers and Healing poem was one that I used in a resource included for an AMSA presentation that I gave in 2001 to medical students on Caring For The Person,Not Just The Patient In End-of-Life Care. It was featured as an article on "Healers and Healing: Learning to 'Let Go' published on the old Beyond Indigo site in 2002.

Healers and Healing is a poem that I continue to shared with my bereavement graduate students as part of the Bereavement Course that I teach.

Sources
Dyer K. 1996. Healers and Healing. 1996. Journey of Hearts Site.
Dyer K. 2001. Caring For The Person,Not Just The Patient In End-of-Life Care. Dealing with Death & Dying in Medical Education and Practice. AMSA's 51st Annual Convention, Friday, March 30, 2001.
Dyer K. 2002. Healers and Healing: Learning to Let Go. Journey of Hearts Site.

Butterfly from Auora 26

An Angel Blessing for Those in Challenging Times

From a quote card that I created several years ago for someone going through a difficult challenge:

May Angels comfort you
in challenging times,
Encircle you with loving arms,
Hold you in a warm embrace.

May they give you strength
Sustain your spirit,
Bring you grace and
a calming sense of peace.

 Kirsti A. Dyer MD, MS

The quote was intended for anyone facing a challenge, whether a health-related challenge or one at the end of life. The original cards featured the beautiful SpiritArt Angels of J. Ann Maskier. This quote went with her beautiful Spirit Guide angel.

Angel Embrace by ppdigital.

Engage with Grace Project - Thanksgiving Blog Rally

I received an email this week telling me about the blog rally being held by several health care bloggers to get the word out about starting the difficult questions on End of Life Care.

Their project Engage with Grace: The One Slide Project was launched in 2008 with the hope of getting people talking about end of life care. They created a single slide with 5 questions "designed to help get us talking with each other, with our loved ones, about our preferences."


Furthermore they are asking people to share this One Slide — wherever and whenever they can in blogs, in presentations and in conversations.

Thanksgiving Blog Rally
For Thanksgiving they are hosting a Blog rally, asking bloggers to post information about the Engage with Grace project starting Tuesday November 24 and leaving it up through the Thanksgiving weekend.

For examples of what other bloggers are doing this year the the blog rally see:

• Eliza Blog's 2009 post on Some conversations are easier than others from their Eliza blog.
• Paul Levy's 2008 post on Engage with Grace from his Running a Hospital Blog.

Spreading the Word
They are also asking people to help spread the word in their social networks:

• Donate your Facebook status by posting something about the Blog Rally.
• Donate your Twitter status by posting something about the Blog Rally, using the hashtag #EWG

They are suggesting using “Pssssst - Engage with Grace at www.engagewithgrace.org. Join the Blog Rally. Pass it on. #EWG”

You can learn even more about this project in the moving video by Engage with Grace co-founder and sister-in-law of Za, Alexandra Drane.

Engage with Grace from Health 2.0 on Vimeo.

To learn more about what you can do visit the Engage with Grace website.

Senator Kennedy's Gift of Time: Dying on His Own Terms

When I heard that Senator Kennedy had died, one of my first thoughts was that he had been able to die on his terms. He announced in May 2008 that he had a malignant brain tumor. When he died on August 26th this year, he had lived over a year with his cancer diagnosis.

Ironically, Senator Kennedy outlived three brothers, four sisters and three nephews. His tribute to nephew John Kennedy Jr after his fatal plane crash was such a moving reflection on time and the years one is given to live.

His time, which was not doubled, but cut in half, will live forever in our memory...
But like his father, he had every gift but length of years.

A Gift of Time
He was given the time to say good by to family, friends and colleagues. He was given time to be honored for a lifetime of public service, receiving the Presidential Medal of Freedom, the nation's highest civilian honor. He was given the time to even plan and orchestrate his memorial and funeral services. President Obama also spoke of this gift of time in his eulogy for Senator Kennedy:

He was given the gift of time that his brothers were not, and he used that gift to touch as many lives and right as many wrongs as the years would allow.

The Final Year
In her interview with Maria Shriver spoke about her uncle's final year as a beautiful blessing. He lived to experience the love and the gratitude of his family and his colleagues, something that his brothers had not done.

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

The Gift of Time given to Senator Kennedy allowed him to experience death on his own terms, to say good bye, to receive love from others and to have a say in how his final days would be spent.

This is the type of desired outcome that most practitioners of end-of-life care wish for their patients, the chance to experience the Gift of Time.

---

Update September 11, 2009
CNN.com reported today that Senator Kennedy began planning his funeral in 2007, long before his brain tumor. According to the article, Senator Kennedy had informed fellow members of the Massachusetts congressional delegation in 2007 that he had been working on his memorial plans and reflecting on his legacy, most notably that of Health Care.

In addition, as I'd suspected, an unnamed source in the article told CNN that the senator had focused on specific arrangements of his funeral and memorial service in the months leading up to his death.

Source: CNN.com. September 11, 2009. Kennedy began planning funeral before brain tumor

Being with a Dying Person - A Sacred Event

For me when I was a medical student, a resident physician or a physician in practice and now as a bereavement professor, one of the most sacred experiences was that of being with a person during their final stages or life. Being able to walk with someone through the dying process is one of the most challenging and sacred of experiences.

This is the reason that I've selected the topic of Being with a Dying Person as the another topic for Sacred Life Sundays.

Sharing the End of Life
Sharing the wonder and the terror of being on the edge of being is bearing a witness to a person's final journey. Walking with a loved one or a patient on this sacred final path is a very extraordinary and intimate experience, as we learn the importance of just being.

Former New York Times book review editor and essayist, Anatole Broyard offered some wise first-hand insights about being with a person at the end of life in his essay "Doctor Talk to Me." In this article he encourages people, doctors in particular, to open their hearts to the dying patient with a reminder that...

Not every patient can be saved, but his illness may be eased by the way the doctor responds to him...
In learning to talk to his patients, the doctor may talk himself back into loving his work.
He has little to lose and much to gain by letting the sick man into his heart.
If he does, they can share, as few others can, the wonder, terror and exaltation of being on the edge of being.

Being a Healing Presence
Often the most difficult role of a physician or a family member is knowing when to "let go" with someone at the end of life and just "to be." We may feel as though we have little to offer the dying patient, yet these wise words from Anatole Broyard, a dying patient, can help us to realize that illness may be eased by the way the doctor (or the family) responds to the patient.

There is a healing power in human presence in simply being.

Just Be

Be yourself and relate person to person.
Be ready to listen again and again.
Be respectful.
Be aware of feelings and non-verbal cues.
Be present.
Be comfortable with silence.
Be human.
Be genuine.
Most of all--Be there.

© Kirsti A. Dyer, MD, MS

Sharing the Silence
Dr. Rachel Naomi Remen offers the following description of being and sharing true intimacy.

We experience intimacy not by sharing words,
but by sharing the silence.

In the end of life what matters, what makes the difference, is taking the time to slow down, to hold a hand, to give support, to just be and to share the silence.

Sacred Life Sunday
This post is one of the Celebrating Sacred Life Sundays Post, a weekly celebration of what is sacred and special in our life. See the first post on Sacred Life Sunday to read more.

______________________________

Sources:
Dyer, K. Healers and Healing. July 1998. At: http://dying.about.com/od/poetry/a/healers.htm
Ostaseski F. How to be with a Dying Person. On Our Own Terms. 2000, Educational Broadcasting Corporation/Public Affairs Television, Inc. At: http://www.pbs.org/wnet/onourownterms/articles/withperson-tools.html
Being a Supportive Friend to A Grieving Person, North Central Florida Hospice, Inc. 1996. http://www.journeyofhearts.org/jofh/kirstimd/friend.htm
Rabow MW, McPhee SJ. Beyond breaking bad news: how to help patient who suffer. WJM 1999:171:260-263. At: http://www.pubmedcentral.nih.gov/articlerender.fcgi?artid=1305864
Broyard A. Doctor Talk to Me. New York Times. August, 26 1990.

Image Source:
Julio Cid. Being Hands. Used with Permission

Do Not Stand at My Grave and Weep - A Beautiful Video to Help in Coping with Loss

This beautiful video tribute is a very comforting resource for anyone who has experienced a loss. This video can be viewed and used as a way of helping to cope with the loss.

This video features the newer version of Do Not Stand At My Grave And Weep, by Lucie Storrs.



More about the Poem, the Song and the Book
To learn more about the poem Do Not Stand At My Grave and Weep, the musical version of this classic bereavement poem and about an eBook resource visit the Squidoo Lens Dedicated to Do Not Stand At My Grave and Weep.

This lens features several moving musical and video interpretations of Do Not Stand At My Grave and Weep. Be advised that before watching these videos, you may need to get Kleenex especially if you have experienced a recent loss.

More about the Poem:
Dyer KA. New eBook of Comfort - Do Not Stand At My Grave And Weep. July 2007.
Dyer KA. Do Not Stand At My Grave and Weep on Squidoo. July 2007.

Grief, Loss & Comfort Quote - Measuring a Life by the Quality of Moments

Wonderful sentiments about what is really important when you look back at the end of a life.

At the end of life,
it's the laughter,
the tears,
the shared joys and
the shared heartaches
that we remember.

The wealth,
the work,
the trials
and problems
are as nothing.

It's the quality of our days
and the people we share them with
that make all the difference.
Margaret James

May your days be filled with moments that matter.

Remember for more Grief, Loss & Comfort Quotes see our rotating quotes at the bottom of the page, or click on the Quotations or Quotes label.

Dyer KA. Grief, Loss & Comfort Quotes *Check out the bottom of the blog* http://grief-loss-info.blogspot.com/2007/07/new-blog-feature-grief-loss-comfort.html

Photo Source:Bobbi Dombrowski. Friendship. Royalty Free Use.