Healers and Healing - Learning to Let Go

Healers and Healing was written soon after I finished my residency program in 1996. It was written as my way of expressing my experiences with as a medical student, resident physician and physician in training  hospice and hospice care.

What I discovered (and this is even more difficult with all of the new advances and new technology) is that often the most difficult role of a physician may be knowing when to "let go," and just "to be."

Healers and Healing

Healing,
the ancient covenant between physician and patient
a promise to cure,
to save,
and to restore. 

Healing
appears in many forms--
The right antibiotics for an infectious organism
The curative chemotherapy for a malignant tumor
The correct diagnosis in a complex case. 

But what of the terminal diagnosis
with no treatment options
when your diagnostic skills are no longer required
your presence will not alter the course? 

Then
Healing manifests on the purest level--
an extension of the soul,
aiding in the acceptance of the process
finding peace and serenity
on the path leading to transition. 

Healing
of pain,
suffering,
and emotional distress.
No longer with technical devices
and the newest medication. 

But just
A cheerful smile
An open ear
A gentle touch
A warm embrace
Taking the time to listen, to be
to share a part of yourself. 

Healing
becomes an expression of caring and love.
The greatest gift of all
may be the ability
to walk with a person
help provide them with strength
and courage
on their path to transition
and then let go.

© 1996 Kirsti A. Dyer, MD, MS

About the Poem
Healers and Healing poem was one that I used in a resource included for an AMSA presentation that I gave in 2001 to medical students on Caring For The Person,Not Just The Patient In End-of-Life Care. It was featured as an article on "Healers and Healing: Learning to 'Let Go' published on the old Beyond Indigo site in 2002.

Healers and Healing is a poem that I continue to shared with my bereavement graduate students as part of the Bereavement Course that I teach.

Sources
Dyer K. 1996. Healers and Healing. 1996. Journey of Hearts Site.
Dyer K. 2001. Caring For The Person,Not Just The Patient In End-of-Life Care. Dealing with Death & Dying in Medical Education and Practice. AMSA's 51st Annual Convention, Friday, March 30, 2001.
Dyer K. 2002. Healers and Healing: Learning to Let Go. Journey of Hearts Site.

Butterfly from Auora 26

Poems for Healing - A Better Place

A Better Place was written many years ago to memorialize young girl who was unexpectedly and suddenly killed. The poem is shared in memory of several other young girls who died recently suddenly and unexpectedly in the hopes that it will bring some comfort to family and friends left behind.

The poem has been helpful for those who believe in a life beyond this one to bring hope that they will one day be reunited in the better place.

A Better Place

Cry for me no more
the many tears of sadness
My time in this world was over
and it came for me to pass.

Bring the photos of old time
and see them not with tear-filled eyes
But with eyes of joy and laughter
and smile once more with me.

Know that I am in a better place
one without disease
without hatred and without death
In this kingdom I now call home

I wait here for you
When your time comes to pass
to ease the transition
from the old to the new.

Cry for me no more.
Remember only the laughter.
For I am in another realm
And I wait to see you again.

© 1999 Kirsti A. Dyer, MD, MS

About the Poem
This poem came to me after a request by a visitor to the Journey of Hearts site to find a poem that would be appropriate for remembering a birthday of a young woman, killed by a drunk driver in 1999.

The story reminded me of another young girl, the daughter of one of my teachers, who has killed in the mid 1970's during plane crash at the very young age of 3.

To both of them, their families and the many other families since who have lost loved ones suddenly and unexpectedly, we hope they have found their better place.

Angel image from boslea

Poems for Healing: The Messenger

The Messenger was written many years ago to provide a bit of solace and soothing words for a family friend and patient, both of whom had recently lost their spouses.

I decided to share the healing poem, The Messenger since it has been used as a remembrance poem by so many people in newpapers, brochures, online and at funeral services.

The Messenger

From an Angel on high
a tender message of love was softly whispered into the ear
of this humble scribe....

Weep not for me
now that I have passed.
Remember the laughter, the affection
and the joy
not just the recent tears.
Cherish the memories,
our hopes and dreams.
Hold fast to the love that we shared.
Be happy with the time we spent together
and being anew.
For I am not really gone,
I am closer than ever before.

As the morning sun rises
and throughout the busy day...I am with you.
Until the setting sun disappears on the horizon
and we watch the day turn into night...I am here.
You may feel a faint breeze stir round your head, while you slumber
as I gently kiss your forehead, "Good night."
The stars that shine so brightly in my heavenly sky
help me watch over you and keep you from harm.

I am the wind in the trees
and the song of a bird.
I am moonbeams in a midnight sky
and a glorious rainbow after the storm.
I am morning dew
and freshly-fallen snow.
I am a butterfly flying overhead
and a puppy happily at play.
I am a smile on a stranger's face
a gentle touch
a warm embrace.

Listen to the wind for my message of love.
Watch the sun rise and set in the sky with me.
Feel my essence encircle you with warm memories.
Open your heart to know...I am not gone.
Reach deep into your soul...You will find me.
I am here.
Have no fear.
I am with you,
Always.

© 1998 Kirsti A. Dyer
(Angel scribe)

More about Journey of Hearts Poetry
I am always a bit surprised when I go searching for some of the healing poems that I wrote and included in the early days of the Journey of Hearts site.

My poems (The Messenger and In Memory of You) show up on many spontaneous bereavement sites from those whose deaths were not major news events to those whose deaths were major news events like 9-11, Laci Patterson and Michael Jackson. Unfortunately the poems are often unattributed to "Anonymous" and do not include a reference to the Journey of Hearts website.

The poem seems to have sprouted wings and flies around the Internet spreading healing words. By reposting a newer version of The Messenger online, I am hopeful that people will find the version of The Messenger and correctly link to the blog or the Journey of Hearts site.

More on Poetry on the Grief, Loss & Transitions Blog
Dyer K. Words to Comfort - In Memory of You July 2007. Grief, Loss & Bereavement Blog.
Dyer K. Poetry - To Help You Make it Through. August 2007. Grief, Loss & Bereavement Blog.

Image: Asafesh. Ink Pot. Royalty Free Use.

Do Not Stand At My Grave And Weep an eBook of Comfort

Do Not Stand At My Grave and Weep is a helpful resource, an eBook with over 250 poems, quotes, words and readings of comfort for those who have experienced a loss. It is a beautiful collection of bereavement poems

I am honored that one of my own poems In Memory of You is included representing a contemporary bereavement poem.

You can read In Memory of You in one of the earlier posts on the Grief, Loss & Transitions Blog.

Do Not Stand At My Grave and Weep eBook - A Helpful Resource
The Do Not Stand At My Grave and Weep Book is also a very helpful resource for writing a eulogy, funeral or memorial speech. The eBook pdf format makes it easy to navigate the over 250 resources to find and copy the right words to used in writing a funeral or memorial speech.

Some of the many uses for this eBook include:

• Funeral speeches
• Funeral planning
• Memorial Services
• Writing Eulogies
• Sending Words of Comfort as Condolences
• Writing a Sympathy Letter or Note
• Grieving a Loss - finding the right words to express how you are feeling
• Writing an Obituary or Death Announcement
• Reading Classic, Famous and Contemporary Bereavement Poems

Ordering Information
You can order your own copy of Do Not Stand At My Grave and Weep, the special collection of more than 250 poems, quotations and readings to comfort, by clicking on the book title link, or any of the live links in this post or here.

The eBook is available for Immediate Download from the Light Beyond website.

Poems for Times of Turmoil

Another gift arrived in my mail box this week.

This email was a message offering hope to people coping with challenging times

The email "gift" came from the staff of the Academy of American Poets with links to a collection of poems specially selected for Times of Turmoil.

It arrived with a note from the Executive Director, Academy of American Poets, Tree Swenson, who offered these comforting words:

We seem to be able to do so little against the loss and fear and panic. Yet poetry’s realm is precisely here — in the emotional center, where desire and terror and hope and dread converge without easy answers.

Poetry to Help During Challenging Times
I have been a long-time supporter of the use of poetry to help in challenging times, particularly to help with the grieving process. As I noted in this earlier blog post, Poetry - To Help You Make it Through

Poetry can help us realize we are not alone or unique in our grief or desolation. Someone else has lived through these intense emotions, felt what I am feeling and survived. I am not alone in these feelings of grief.

Executive Director, Academy of American Poets, Tree Swenson also noted that "Poetry can provide solace, give voice to despair, restore optimism, or simply remind us of our common connection through words."

William Faulkner said in his Nobel speech,

"The poet's voice need not merely be the record of man, it can be one of the props, the pillars to help him endure and prevail."

Poetry Therapist John Fox so explains the beneficial effects of poetry:

Poems speak to us when nothing else will. Poetry helps us to feel our lives rather than be numb. Poem making helps us move through grief, life transitions and illness by providing comfort and sustenance on this difficult journey.

Poems for Turmoil - The Collection
I couldn't find the list of poems yet on the Academy of American Poets, so I have included the list with links to the site below.

• The times are nightfall, look, their light grows less by Gerard Manley Hopkins
• blessing the boats by Lucille Clifton
• Identity Crisis by F. D. Reeves
• O Little Root of a Dream by Paul Celan translated by Heather McHugh
• Chaplinesque by Hart Crane
• Thing by Rae Armantrout
• O Me! O Life! by Walt Whitman
• In a Country by Larry Levis
  
• Poet's Work by Lorine Niedecker

These poems are offered with the hope they will open the possibility of a different kind of reflection in the fog of uncertainty.

Poetry - To Help You Make it Through

Sometimes all you need
is to reflect in your mind
one poem that says,

"I can make it through."

Maya Angelou

Written words can be more effective than spoken condolences at reaching the part of a person's heart which is grieving. Poems can provide solace and reach a person on a deeper level than with just the spoken word or a simple touch. Writing poetry can be a way of releasing painful stored emotions by trying to make sense of what is often the insensible.

Poetry can help us realize we are not alone or unique in our grief or desolation. "Someone else has lived through these intense emotions, felt what I am feeling and survived. I am not alone in these feelings of grief."

As Poetry Therapist John Fox so eloquently explains:

Poems speak to us when nothing else will. Poetry helps us to feel our lives rather than be numb. Poem making helps us move through grief, life transitions and illness by providing comfort and sustenance on this difficult journey. At other times of loss and grief, your writing may be a necessity. Drawing from a well of feeling within your bones and soul, these words from within can help you cope in your daily life. Like the wind that echoes a rock face smooth, you can record your truth and loss with your words.

Since it's inception, the Journey of Hearts website has utilized the healing effects of poetry to aid in helping visitors to this site through the grieving process. Many of our poems have been reprinted as memorials in newspapers, yearbooks for those who have died, or spoken at funerals or memorial services.

Do Not Stand at My Grave and Weep - A Collection of Bereavement Poems

Do Not Stand At My Grave and Weep is a helpful resource, an eBook with over 250 poems, quotes, words and readings of comfort for those who have experienced a loss.

I am honored that one of my own poems In Memory of You is included representing a contemporary bereavement poem. You can read In Memory of You in the July Blog Post from this Grief, Loss & Transitions Blog.

Pick up a copy of these carefully selected poems as a way of helping to cope with a loss.

Sources:
Dyer K. Words to Comfort - In Memory of You. July 2007. Grief, Loss & Bereavement Blog.
Dyer K. 911: Poems. Journey of Hearts.
Dyer K. Poems and Words of Inspiration. Journey of Hearts.
Dyer K. Do Not Stand at My Grave and Weep. Squidoo.com

Image Source:
Miguel Ugalde. Stockin Around (Rose). Royalty Free Use.

Do Not Stand at My Grave and Weep - A Beautiful Video to Help in Coping with Loss

This beautiful video tribute is a very comforting resource for anyone who has experienced a loss. This video can be viewed and used as a way of helping to cope with the loss.

This video features the newer version of Do Not Stand At My Grave And Weep, by Lucie Storrs.



More about the Poem, the Song and the Book
To learn more about the poem Do Not Stand At My Grave and Weep, the musical version of this classic bereavement poem and about an eBook resource visit the Squidoo Lens Dedicated to Do Not Stand At My Grave and Weep.

This lens features several moving musical and video interpretations of Do Not Stand At My Grave and Weep. Be advised that before watching these videos, you may need to get Kleenex especially if you have experienced a recent loss.

More about the Poem:
Dyer KA. New eBook of Comfort - Do Not Stand At My Grave And Weep. July 2007.
Dyer KA. Do Not Stand At My Grave and Weep on Squidoo. July 2007.

Words to Comfort - In Memory of You

Poems Reach and Touch People with Words
It was during college and the later during medical school that I discovered the power of words to help people through the grieving and healing process following a loss.

Words that I have written as poems during difficult moments when I was dealing with the losses of friends and patients have touched people in ways that I never would have imagined possible.

Since it's inception, the Journey of Hearts website has included the healing effects of poetry to aid in helping visitors to this site through the grieving process.

Many of my poems featured on the site have been reprinted as memorials in newspapers, yearbooks for those who have died, or spoken at funerals or memorial services. Most recently my poem, In Memory of You was included as an example of a contemporary bereavement poem in the new eBook, Do Not Stand At My Grave and Weep.

You can read the poem in it's entirety below:

In Memory of You


I find an old photograph
and see your smile.
As I feel your presence anew,
I am filled with warmth
and my heart remembers love.

I read an old card
sent many years ago
during a time of turmoil and confusion.
The soothing words written then
still caress my spirit
and bring me peace.

I remember who you used to be
the laughter we shared
and wonder what you have become.
Where are you now,
Where did you go,
When the body is left behind
and the spirit is released to fly?

Perhaps you are the morning bird
singing joyfully at sunrise,
or the butterfly that dances
so carelessly on the breeze
or the rainbow of colors
that brightens a stormy sky
or the fingers of afternoon mist
delicately reaching over the mountains
or the final few rays of the setting sun
lighting up the skies
edging the clouds with a magical glow.

I miss your being
but I feel your presence,
In whatever form you choose to take,
however you now choose to be.

Your spirit has become for me
a guardian angel on high
guiding, advising, and watching over me.

I remember you.
You are with me
and I am not afraid.

© 1996 Kirsti A. Dyer, MD, MS. All rights reserved.

About the Poem
"In Memory of You" was written on a sunny winter day, penned in response to news of the death of a dear family friend from bone cancer. Her death combined with several other recent significant losses--a childhood friend to the complications of multiple sclerosis at the age of 34, a 22 year old to the long-term effects of anorexia nervosa and a vibrant patient to lung cancer at the age of 38--were the inspiration for the poem.

The deaths of these 4 young women were my primary motivators, but there were many others over the years--patients that I had lost during my days as an EMT (Emergency Medical Technician) or while in medical school and residency training.

"In Memory of You" has been used in many different ways since it was written and shared with hundreds of people since being posted to the Journey of Hearts site in 1998. The poems was featured as one of the healing poems on a collection of poetry assembled on the Journey of Heart site following the September 11th 2001 tragedy. In 2003 the poem was one of several of my poems included in the ABC's of Grief: A Handbook for Survivors. "In Memory of You" was even included as a Poem on the Day on the Poet Seer Site in 2004. In 2006, "In Memory of You" was shared as a resource with the About.com community during my tenure as the Death, Dying and Bereavement guide.

Over the years "In Memory of You" has also been used in with sympathy cards, as a Christmas card inserts, read at funerals and memorials and found it's way onto many Internet memorial sites, often listed as anonymous.

Photo Source: Reading Card. Modified Microsoft Image.

New eBook of Comfort - Do Not Stand At My Grave And Weep

Do Not Stand At My Grave and Weep is a new resource, an eBook with over 250 poems, quotes, words and readings of comfort for those who have experienced a loss.

This carefully researched and edited collection of poems, quotes and readings combines older, more traditional sympathy and bereavement poems with some of the more recent, contemporary ones. I am honored that one of my own poems "In Memory of You" is included representing a contemporary bereavement poem.

Lucie Storrs of the Light Beyond spent hours looking through books of poems and quotes and searching the Internet to pull together this extensive collection of more than 250 bereavement poems, quotes and readings.

Uses for Do Not Stand At My Grave and Weep
This carefully crafted and edited collection of comforting words can help you find the right words to express your sorrow, whether a loss you have experienced yourself, or finding the right words to help a friend who has experienced a loss.

The Do Not Stand At My Grave and Weep Book is also a very helpful resource for writing a eulogy, funeral or memorial speech. The eBook pdf format makes it easy to navigate the over 250 resources to find and copy the right words to used in writing a funeral or memorial speech.

Some of the many uses for this eBook include:

• Funeral speeches
• Funeral planning
• Memorial Services
• Writing Eulogies
• Sending Words of Comfort as Condolences
• Writing a Sympathy Letter or Note
• Grieving a Loss - finding the right words to express how you are feeling
• Writing an Obituary or Death Announcement
• Reading Classic, Famous and Contemporary Bereavement Poems

Ordering Information
You can order your own copy of Do Not Stand At My Grave and Weep, the special collection of more than 250 poems, quotations and readings to comfort, by clicking on the book title link, or any of the live links in this post or here.

The eBook is available for Immediate Download from the Light Beyond website.

More about the Poem, the Song and the Book
You can learn more about the poem Do Not Stand At My Grave and Weep, the musical version of this classic bereavement poem as well as more about the eBook at the Squidoo Lens Dedicated to Do Not Stand At My Grave and Weep at http://www.squidoo.com/do-not-stand-at-my-grave-and-weep

This lens features several moving musical and video interpretations of Do Not Stand At My Grave and Weep. Be advised that before watching these videos, you may need to get Kleenex especially if you have experienced a recent loss.