Remembering on the 8th Anniversary of September 11, 2001

This year marks the 8th Anniversary of September 11, 2001. For some losses, such as this type of tragic loss, the grief remains. A quote from Senator Ted Kennedy written to a widow of 9/11, that was heard at his recent funeral, captures the nature of coping with tragic loss:

As you know so well, the passage of time never really heals the tragic memory of such a great loss, but we carry on, because we have to, because our loved one would want us to, and because there is still light to guide us in the world from the love they gave us.

Now 8 years later, we stop to remember those who died, in different ways around the country. This video clip from WPRI.com News shows some of the many ways that September 11th is being remembered in the United States and around the world.




From WPRI.com" With familiar rituals of grief and a new purpose to honor those who rushed into danger to help, the nation marked eight years since the Sept. 11 terror attacks Friday, with volunteers reading the names of the World Trade Center lost.

- Remembering 9/11 -

Ways of Remembering
If you can't make it to New York to celebrate, there are other ways that you can remember and honor the memory of those lost online:

• Wear Red on 9-11 - A grass roots effort to encouraging people to wear read on September 11 to show your support to those who lost their lives in the terrorist attacks of 2001. People on Twitter and Facebook can also participate in special ways.

• 911 Day of Service- My Good Deed has been working since 2002 to get September 11 established as a National Day of Service, to honor the victims and those who rose to service in response to the attacks on America. This is the first official year of celebrating 911 as a day of service.

For more suggestions and ways of coping, you can read the blog post that from last year on What is an Anniversary Response or Anniversary Reaction?

More Resources
Dyer KA. 2009. Coping with Grief on the Anniversary of September 11, 2001. Coping with Grief Group. The Circle.
Dyer KA. 2008. What is an Anniversary Response or Anniversary Reaction? Grief, Loss & Transitions Blog.
Dyer KA. 2007. Anniversary Reaction - When Remembering Isn't Always a Happy Occasion. Squidoo.com

Image: Roderick Yang. Ground Zero. Royalty Free Use.

Coping with Sudden Death - A Series of Recent School Shootings

In the past few weeks we've seen another series of school shootings in California, Florida and now in Illinois. Friends, Family, Schools are left trying to figure out how to help the survivors cope with these sudden traumatic losses.

The Sudden Death Shatters Our World in an Instant

A sudden death is one that occurs without any forewarning; it is unanticipated.

A traumatic death, in addition to being sudden, can also be violent, mutilating or destructive; the traumatic death can be random and/or preventable or may involve many deaths.

The sudden, accidental, unexpected or traumatic death shatters the world as we know it. It is often a loss that does not make any sense.

In an instance life is forever changed. Survivors (those left behind) are left with the knowledge that life is not always fair and that sometimes bad things happen to good people. The sudden, traumatic death leaves the survivors feeling shaken, unsure and vulnerable.

Each type of sudden loss, whether a shooting, a heart attack, a car accident or a terrorist attack, leaves survivors bereaved, dazed and vulnerable trying to make sense out of the insensible loss. As survivors of sudden or traumatic death begin to process the loss, they experience a grief response.

After a Sudden Loss - Focus on the Basics

When facing the aftermath of a sudden death, it is important for the survivor to take care of him/herself following a sudden loss by focusing on the basics the body needs for day-to-day survival:

• Maintain a normal routine. Even if it is difficult to do regular activities, try to anyway.
• Putting more structure into a daily routine will help one to feel more in control.
• Get enough sleep, at least plenty of rest.
• It may be helpful to keep lists, write notes, or keep a schedule.
• Try and get some regular exercise. This can help relieve stress and tension.
• Keep a balanced diet. Watch out for junk food, or high calorie comfort food binges.
• Drink plenty of water.
• Drink alcohol in moderation. Alcohol should not be used as a way of masking the pain.
• Do what comforts, sustains and recharges you.
• Remember other difficult times and how you have survived them. Draw upon the inner strength.
• Take it one hour at a time, one day at a time.

The Unanswerable Whys

Following a traumatic death or sudden loss, people are left wondering "Why?" It is difficult to find a good answer to this unanswerable question.

When faced with the unanswerable “Why” in the past, I have found the thoughts of Rabbi Earl Grollman on this topic to be very helpful in coping with this most difficult question. He says:

“Why must life be one of sorrow?” “Why?” There are no pat answers. No one completely understands the mysteries of life. Even if the question were answered, would your pain be eased?

There is no satisfactory response for an unresolvable dilemma. Not all questions have complete answers. “Unanswered Why's” are a part of life. The search may continue, but the real question might be “How [do I] pick up the pieces and go on living as meaningful as possible?”

Sources:
Dyer KA. 2002. Dealing with Sudden, Accidental or Traumatic Death. Journey of Hearts.
Dyer KA. 2001. 9-11: United in Courage & Grief. Ways of Coping then Helping. Journey of Hearts.
Dyer KA. 2001. 9-11: United in Courage & Grief. Why does my heart Feel so bad? Journey of Hearts.
Grollman RA. Why? Journeys Newsletter. Washington D.C.: Hospice Foundation of America, March 2001, p. 3.

Image Source: Broken Egg. Modified Microsoft Image.