Healers and Healing - Learning to Let Go

Healers and Healing was written soon after I finished my residency program in 1996. It was written as my way of expressing my experiences with as a medical student, resident physician and physician in training  hospice and hospice care.

What I discovered (and this is even more difficult with all of the new advances and new technology) is that often the most difficult role of a physician may be knowing when to "let go," and just "to be."

Healers and Healing

Healing,
the ancient covenant between physician and patient
a promise to cure,
to save,
and to restore. 

Healing
appears in many forms--
The right antibiotics for an infectious organism
The curative chemotherapy for a malignant tumor
The correct diagnosis in a complex case. 

But what of the terminal diagnosis
with no treatment options
when your diagnostic skills are no longer required
your presence will not alter the course? 

Then
Healing manifests on the purest level--
an extension of the soul,
aiding in the acceptance of the process
finding peace and serenity
on the path leading to transition. 

Healing
of pain,
suffering,
and emotional distress.
No longer with technical devices
and the newest medication. 

But just
A cheerful smile
An open ear
A gentle touch
A warm embrace
Taking the time to listen, to be
to share a part of yourself. 

Healing
becomes an expression of caring and love.
The greatest gift of all
may be the ability
to walk with a person
help provide them with strength
and courage
on their path to transition
and then let go.

© 1996 Kirsti A. Dyer, MD, MS

About the Poem
Healers and Healing poem was one that I used in a resource included for an AMSA presentation that I gave in 2001 to medical students on Caring For The Person,Not Just The Patient In End-of-Life Care. It was featured as an article on "Healers and Healing: Learning to 'Let Go' published on the old Beyond Indigo site in 2002.

Healers and Healing is a poem that I continue to shared with my bereavement graduate students as part of the Bereavement Course that I teach.

Sources
Dyer K. 1996. Healers and Healing. 1996. Journey of Hearts Site.
Dyer K. 2001. Caring For The Person,Not Just The Patient In End-of-Life Care. Dealing with Death & Dying in Medical Education and Practice. AMSA's 51st Annual Convention, Friday, March 30, 2001.
Dyer K. 2002. Healers and Healing: Learning to Let Go. Journey of Hearts Site.

Butterfly from Auora 26

Gone Too Soon - Michael Jackson's Prophetic Song

I thought I knew most of the great songs for dealing with loss, but this one, "Gone Too Soon" written by Michael Jackson came out while I was in Medical School and didn't get much air play, so was one that I missed.

The song has been going through my head since I heard Usher sing it at the memorial services. The song is a beautiful message of sadness and sorrow over the loss of a friend, but more so as a prophetic message of Michael Jackson's own passing.

Like A Comet
Blazing 'Cross The Evening Sky
Gone Too Soon

Like A Rainbow
Fading In The Twinkling Of An Eye
Gone Too Soon

Born To Amuse, To Inspire,
To Delight
Here One Day
Gone One Night

"Gone Too Soon" is a song written by Michael Jackson as a Musical Memorial Tribute for his friend Ryan White, a young boy at the center of the AIDS epidemic in the late 1980's. Ryan was a hemophiliac who contracted the disease from blood transfusions, before the blood supply was screened.

You can watch a live performance of the song by Michael Jackson below from President Clinton's 1992 Inaugural Ball.



Knowing Life Might End Too Soon
Sometimes people have a sense of their own mortality. Working with younger hospice patients in particular, one gets a sense that they know they are dying.

According to Lisa Marie Presley, Michael Jackson's wife, he may have had a sense, a knowing that he would die young, like her father (Elvis Presley) had. Soon after his death she posted on her MySpace Page, Michael had told her:

"I am afraid that I am going to end up like him (Elvis), the way he did."

I promptly tried to deter him from the idea, at which point he just shrugged his shoulders and nodded almost matter of fact as if to let me know, he knew what he knew and that was kind of that.

Their conversation would have occurred several years after "Gone Too Soon" was recorded and released.

Passing the Torch
This poignant, prophetic nature of this song also reminds me of a quote that seems to apply by George Bernard Shaw:

Life is no brief candle to me. It is a sort of splendid torch which I have got a hold of for the moment, and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations.

Michael Jackson now joins the rankings of Princess Diana, John Lennon, John F. Kennedy Jr., Steve Irwin, John Denver and John Kennedy and so many others who shone brightly as possible but passed that torch on much too soon.

P.S.
This blog post was the inspiration to create a tribute lens on Squidoo for all of those, famous and not so famous who have Gone Too Soon.

Image Source: NASA. Comets. Planetary Systems Library. Government Document.

Smile - A Beautiful Heartfelt Musical Memorial

It was only fitting at the Michael Jackson memorial service that was a celebration of his life ceremony that there were so many moving musical tributes. This service was a event shared around the world, a moment when the world stopped to grieve, to breathe and to remember together.

One of the more touching moment for me came first with Brooke Shields reminiscences that Michael Jackson's favorite song was "Smile" by Charlie Chaplin. His brother Jermaine took the stage with his version of "Smile."



"Smile" has been one of my favorite songs, a song that helps people cope with death and loss. The words of "Smile" offer hope as a way of making it though on those tough days.

Smile though your heart is aching;
Smile even though it's breaking.

That's the time you must keep on trying,
Smile, what's the use of crying?
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile.

Smile is a good song to remember and to listen to on days when the world seems to b e filled with sadness, like this day when we said good by to the person being called "the greatest entertainer that has ever lived."

More
Dyer K. Smile Though Your Heart is Aching. Squidoo.
Dyer K. 2007. Life is still worthwhile if you just smile - An Inspirational Song by Josh Groban. Grief, Loss and Transitions Blog.

Pocket Cemetery Inspired by Recent Celebrity Deaths

The pre-release of the new iPhone app, Pocket Cemetery has been inspired by the recent series of celebrity deaths, most notably Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, Ed McMahon and Billy Mays.

Remembering Michael Jackson


Remembering Farrah Fawcett and Billy Mays


About Pocket Cemetery

According to their Website Pocket Cemetery is the first iPhone application that allows users to create virtual memorials for departed loved ones using customizable tombstones with pictures, bios and favorite memories. Users can easily create personalized plots for dead relatives, friends, pets, celebrities or anyone they want to memorialize. Aside from creating memorials, Pocket Cemetery also allows users to place virtual flowers on graves along with sending personal prayers and messages to dead loved ones.

Debating the Merits of Pocket Cemetery

Technology people are twittering and debating the merits of an application like Pocket Cemetery. Many feel it is exploiting those who have experienced a loss. With an introductory price of $1.99 and the regular price of $2.99, it seems like a very small price to pay for an application that could be very beneficial in helping someone cope with a loss.

Share Your thoughts on Pocket Cemetery

You can share your thoughts on Pocket Cemetery on the Pocket Cemetery page or by Tweeting your thoughts on Twitter with the hashcode #iGrief.

I am curious to know what some of the other people in the fields of grief, loss, bereavement and death and dying think about using new technologies to help those grieving a loss.

More:

Dyer K. 2009. Pocket Cemetery: A Way to Carry Departed Loved Ones in a Pocket. Squidoo.com.

Press Release. 2009. New iPhone App Memorializes Dead Loved Ones In The Palm Of Your Hand. PRWeb.

More Resources for Coping with the Sudden Death of a Child

I wrote several articles for Suite 101 on coping with the death of a child or coping with the sudden death of a child as part of my response to the Travolta-Preston Family Tragedy.

• Coping with the Sudden Death of a Child: John Travolta’s Son’s Unexpected Death is a Reminder of Tragic Loss
• How to Cope with the Death of a Child: John Travolta’s Son’s Death is a Reminder of Other Children’s Deaths

Navigating the Grief Journey is another article I have written on coping with a death or with a sudden loss.

• Navigating the Grief Journey: How to Find Your Way During Challenging Times

Suite 101 Articles Featured on Compassionate Friends

The Compassionate Friends featured the article that I wrote for Suite101.com "Coping with the sudden death of a child" on their Grief in the News Page.