More Resources for Coping with the Sudden Death of a Child

I wrote several articles for Suite 101 on coping with the death of a child or coping with the sudden death of a child as part of my response to the Travolta-Preston Family Tragedy.

• Coping with the Sudden Death of a Child: John Travolta’s Son’s Unexpected Death is a Reminder of Tragic Loss
• How to Cope with the Death of a Child: John Travolta’s Son’s Death is a Reminder of Other Children’s Deaths

Navigating the Grief Journey is another article I have written on coping with a death or with a sudden loss.

• Navigating the Grief Journey: How to Find Your Way During Challenging Times

Suite 101 Articles Featured on Compassionate Friends

The Compassionate Friends featured the article that I wrote for Suite101.com "Coping with the sudden death of a child" on their Grief in the News Page.

Deepest Sympathies to John Travolta and Kelly Preston on the Loss of their son, Jett

The loss of a child at any age is for many parents the most difficult type of loss. Add to that a sudden loss, or a death that the parent is helping to prevent and you have the recipe for a sudden, traumatic death.

The death of John Travolta and Kelly Preston's son Jett is one of those deaths. It occurred while the family was on a vacation. It was a sudden, unanticipated death, apparently the result of a seizure. It was also a death that according to reports, John Travolta worked to prevent, providing CPR to his son with the help of an EMT.

How does one Cope with the Loss of a Child?
Coping with the loss of a child is never easy, coping with the sudden loss of a child can make the grieving process more difficult and prolonged.

Organizations like the Compassionate Friends have been helping families cope with the loss of a child at any age and from any cause since 1968.

In this video from the Compassionate Friends, family members who have experienced this loss firsthand share thoughts and insights of the grief journey, how the child’s death has affected their lives, and how finding support from The Compassionate Friends has helped them to survive.



Mission of the Compassionate Friends:
The mission of The Compassionate Friends is to assist families toward the positive resolution of grief following the death of a child of any age and to provide information to help others be supportive

Brochures Available from the Compassionate Friends:

• When a Child Dies . . . The Compassionate Friends Can Help
• The Sudden Death of a Child
• The Death of An Adult Child
• Death of a Special-Needs Child

Sources:

Streit. V. January 2, 2009. Actors’ son Jett Travolta dies at 16. CNN.com

Lucas L, Lauinger J, Goldsmith S. January 4, 2009. John Travolta, EMT struggled to save 16-year-old Jett. NY Daily News.

Poems for Times of Turmoil

Another gift arrived in my mail box this week.

This email was a message offering hope to people coping with challenging times

The email "gift" came from the staff of the Academy of American Poets with links to a collection of poems specially selected for Times of Turmoil.

It arrived with a note from the Executive Director, Academy of American Poets, Tree Swenson, who offered these comforting words:

We seem to be able to do so little against the loss and fear and panic. Yet poetry’s realm is precisely here — in the emotional center, where desire and terror and hope and dread converge without easy answers.

Poetry to Help During Challenging Times
I have been a long-time supporter of the use of poetry to help in challenging times, particularly to help with the grieving process. As I noted in this earlier blog post, Poetry - To Help You Make it Through

Poetry can help us realize we are not alone or unique in our grief or desolation. Someone else has lived through these intense emotions, felt what I am feeling and survived. I am not alone in these feelings of grief.

Executive Director, Academy of American Poets, Tree Swenson also noted that "Poetry can provide solace, give voice to despair, restore optimism, or simply remind us of our common connection through words."

William Faulkner said in his Nobel speech,

"The poet's voice need not merely be the record of man, it can be one of the props, the pillars to help him endure and prevail."

Poetry Therapist John Fox so explains the beneficial effects of poetry:

Poems speak to us when nothing else will. Poetry helps us to feel our lives rather than be numb. Poem making helps us move through grief, life transitions and illness by providing comfort and sustenance on this difficult journey.

Poems for Turmoil - The Collection
I couldn't find the list of poems yet on the Academy of American Poets, so I have included the list with links to the site below.

• The times are nightfall, look, their light grows less by Gerard Manley Hopkins
• blessing the boats by Lucille Clifton
• Identity Crisis by F. D. Reeves
• O Little Root of a Dream by Paul Celan translated by Heather McHugh
• Chaplinesque by Hart Crane
• Thing by Rae Armantrout
• O Me! O Life! by Walt Whitman
• In a Country by Larry Levis
  
• Poet's Work by Lorine Niedecker

These poems are offered with the hope they will open the possibility of a different kind of reflection in the fog of uncertainty.

Growing from Challenges

I figured I would continue to explore resources for coping with challenges. With all of the craziness going on I think that many people will continue to need some comforting words.

Comedians often turn to comedy as a way of coping with their own life challenges and hardships. Carol Burnett is no exception.

I have always grown
from my problems
and challenges.
From the things
that don't work out,
that's when I've really learned.

Carol Burnett

She has faced many hardships and losses in her life, including the death of both a husband and a daughter.

One revelation in facing challenges is that many of us discover a strong internal sense of strength, for some a light, that helps to guide us through the difficult times.

Remember that these are the things that make us stronger.

Photo Source: Stefanie L. Breakthrough. Royalty Free Use.

Coping with Challenging Times - Face It!

With all of the craziness going on with the economy, the election and other dis ease in the world, many of us are understandably feeling uneasy. These are troubling and disturbing times.

Many people have experienced significant financial losses, job losses and other personal losses. It is hard to know what to do, where to turn or how thing will eventually turn out.

In the last couple of days I've started receiving emails in my boxes from people hoping to capitalize on these troubling times by selling their services to help people find comfort and calmness when they might be fearful, advice for what the most important thing is to do in the current economy and also to find ways of pinching pennies by purchasing their products.

I was glad to see Paul's weekly Ripples Newsletter arrive this morning as a splash of inspiration and hope to start the week. Paul offered some simple, helpful advice (for free) for coping with these challenging times.

Free advice and hope that didn't require a price tag to read it.

Thanks Paul!

Enjoy!

*************************

Ripples v10.41: Face It!

October 13, 2008: a free weekly splash to 21,410 subscribers from Paul & The Ripples Project


__PEBBLE _________________________________

Facing it, always facing it, that's the way to get through. Face it.
-Joseph Conrad, submitted by Lin H., Bloomington IL


__BOULDER _________________________________

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.
-Frank Herbert, submitted by Stephanie W., West Des Moines IA


__PONDER _________________________________

If you are feeling scared or bewildered or frustrated by the crazy events recently, you need to remember a few things:

1. You are not the only one.
2. Things will get better.
3. You can handle this.


Yes, you can. You can FACE IT just like you have dealt with other challenges in your life. And I have a sneaking suspicion that not only will you come out of this okay, you might even be stronger, smarter, and braver.


So put your game face on, and FACE IT!


Peace,
Paul


The Ripples Project

For More information about The Ripples Project, see their website.You can also sign up to join the more than 20,000 subscribers and get your own weekly dose of free inspiration.

Image Source: Martin Boulanger. Lyon 4. Royalty Free Use.

Dr. Dyer to talk about the Anniversary Response and Healing on 9/11

On 9/11 I will be joining Dr. Sally Witt as one of her guests for her blog talk radio show “9/11 Remembrance and Healing with Dr. Sally.”

The show is about continued healing, seven years after the tragic attacks. It is schedule to be a show of love, respect, and remembrance without political discussions.

I am one of the scheduled guests as the Bereavement Specialist, based on the Anniversary Reaction lens that I created on Squidoo. The lens was written to help people understand the Anniversary Reaction and why sometimes remembering isn’t always a happy occasion.

If you want to tune in to hear the show, I am scheduled to be on the show from 3:00 - 3:30 EST, 12:00 - 13:30 PST (My time). It is supposed to be recorded, so I’ll include a link once the file is available.

What is an Anniversary Response or Anniversary Reaction?

The 11th anniversary of the Sudden Death of Princess Diana today, the 3rd anniversary of Hurricane Katrina a few days ago (August 29) and the upcoming anniversaries of the deaths of Steve Irwin (September 4, the 2nd) and September 11th (the 7th) all are reminders of what loved ones may experience as these dates near...an Anniversary Response.

Anniversary dates of a tragic event, the actual date of the death, the birth date of a loved one, holidays or other special occasions are common triggers for an Anniversary reaction or a grief response; this is a sudden unexpected rush of memories, intense emotions and feelings of grief.

Anniversary Reaction - Defined
The National Center for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder provides the following formal definition of an Anniversary Reaction:

On the anniversary of traumatic events, some people may find that they experience an increase in distressing memories of the event. These memories may be triggered by reminders, but memories may also seem to come from out of the blue while at work, home, or doing recreational activities. An increase in distress around the anniversary of a traumatic event is commonly known as an "anniversary reaction" and can range from feeling mildly upset for a day or two to a more extreme reaction in which an individual experiences significant psychiatric or medical symptoms.

Coping with an Anniversary Reaction
One way of coping with an Anniversary Reaction is to understand what to anticipate. The anniversary reaction can involve days, weeks or even months prior to the anniversary date of anxiety, anger, nightmares, flashbacks, depression or fear.

Ways of Coping on the Date of the Anniversary

The following list is a collection of different suggestions, activities and ideas of what to do on the actual anniversary date:

• Gather with friends and families reminisce and tell favorite stories or memories about the person who has died.
• Plan a remembrance service, celebration of life or find a special way of honoring the loved one lost.
• Take flowers to the grave site, memorial site or location of the tragedy.
• Plan a distraction, such as a weekend away or a visit with friends or relatives.
• Create a road side memorial for a love one who has died in a car accident.
• Make a donation to a charitable organization in the person's name on birthdays or holidays.
• Build an ofrenda or altar with portraits, personal goods, clothing, favorite foods and possessions of the deceased family member.
• Make a toast or say a prayer or blessing at the start of a family meal.
• Listen to their favorite music.
• Light a candle.
• Look at old photos or videos.
• Share memories over tea.
• Plant a tree.
• Establish a scholarship.
• Dedicate a bench or plaque.
• Write letters or a journal to the loved one to express your feelings.
• Create a new tradition. This can be very helpful during the holidays. Instead of celebrating the same place and the same way as when the loved one was alive, find a new place and a new way.

Start a New Tradition
Starting a new tradition is perhaps one of the best ways of coping with a loss. Following the unexpected death of Steve Irwin to celebrated his life and his legacy a year later the Family created the "Steve Irwin Day."

Create a Memorial
For what would have been John Lennon's 67th birthday on Videy Island in Reykjavik, Iceland last year Yoko Ono unveiled the Imagine Peace Tower as a way of encouraging global peace.

Light a Candle
Since 1997, on the second Sunday in December The Compassionate Friends (TCF) hold a Worldwide Candle Lighting in memory of all children who have died too soon. On this day people around the world are encouraged to light a candle to so that...Their Light May Always Shine.

More Information
Dyer KA. 2007 - 2008. Anniversary Reaction - When Remembering Isn't Always a Happy Occasion. Squidoo.com

Sources: Hamblen J, Friedman M, Schnurr P. 2007. Anniversary Reactions: A National Center for PTSD Fact Sheet. National Center for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

Photo Source: Sophie. Heart. Royalty Free Use.

Sacred Life Sunday
This post is one of the Celebrating Sacred Life Sundays Post, a weekly celebration of what is sacred and special in our life. Anniversaries are a reminder to me what is sacred and what we need to celebrate as being special in our lives.
See the first post on Sacred Life Sunday to read more.