Grief, Loss & Transitions - Journey of Hearts Blog

Healers and Healing - Learning to Let Go

2012-01-08T09:45:00.000-08:00

Healers and Healing was written soon after I finished my residency program in 1996. It was written as my way of expressing my experiences with as a medical student, resident physician and physician in training hospice and hospice care.

What I discovered (and this is even more difficult with all of the new advances and new technology) is that often the most difficult role of a physician may be knowing when to "let go," and just "to be."

Healers and Healing

Healing,
the ancient covenant between physician and patient
a promise to cure,
to save,
and to restore.

Healing
appears in many forms--
The right antibiotics for an infectious organism
The curative chemotherapy for a malignant tumor
The correct diagnosis in a complex case.

But what of the terminal diagnosis
with no treatment options
when your diagnostic skills are no longer required
your presence will not alter the course?

Then
Healing manifests on the purest level--
an extension of the soul,
aiding in the acceptance of the process
finding peace and serenity
on the path leading to transition.

Healing
of pain,
suffering,
and emotional distress.
No longer with technical devices
and the newest medication.

But just
A cheerful smile
An open ear
A gentle touch
A warm embrace
Taking the time to listen, to be
to share a part of yourself.

Healing
becomes an expression of caring and love.
The greatest gift of all
may be the ability
to walk with a person
help provide them with strength
and courage
on their path to transition
and then let go.

About the Poem
Healers and Healing poem was one that I used in a resource included for an AMSA presentation that I gave in 2001 to medical students on Caring For The Person,Not Just The Patient In End-of-Life Care. It was featured as an article on "Healers and Healing: Learning to 'Let Go' published on the old Beyond Indigo site in 2002.

Healers and Healing is a poem that I continue to shared with my bereavement graduate students as part of the Bereavement Course that I teach.

Sources
Dyer K. 1996. Healers and Healing. 1996. Journey of Hearts Site.
Dyer K. 2001. Caring For The Person,Not Just The Patient In End-of-Life Care. Dealing with Death & Dying in Medical Education and Practice. AMSA's 51st Annual Convention, Friday, March 30, 2001.
Dyer K. 2002. Healers and Healing: Learning to Let Go. Journey of Hearts Site.

Butterfly from Auora 26

An Angel Blessing for Those in Challenging Times

2012-01-07T09:00:00.000-08:00

From a quote card that I created several years ago for someone going through a difficult challenge:

May Angels comfort you
in challenging times,
Encircle you with loving arms,
Hold you in a warm embrace.

May they give you strength
Sustain your spirit,
Bring you grace and
a calming sense of peace.

Kirsti A. Dyer MD, MS

The quote was intended for anyone facing a challenge, whether a health-related challenge or one at the end of life. The original cards featured the beautiful SpiritArt Angels of J. Ann Maskier. This quote went with her beautiful Spirit Guide angel.

Angel Embrace by ppdigital.

Poems for Healing - A Better Place

2011-10-20T12:43:00.000-07:00

A Better Place was written many years ago to memorialize young girl who was unexpectedly and suddenly killed. The poem is shared in memory of several other young girls who died recently suddenly and unexpectedly in the hopes that it will bring some comfort to family and friends left behind.

The poem has been helpful for those who believe in a life beyond this one to bring hope that they will one day be reunited in the better place.

A Better Place

Cry for me no more
the many tears of sadness
My time in this world was over
and it came for me to pass.

Bring the photos of old time
and see them not with tear-filled eyes
But with eyes of joy and laughter
and smile once more with me.

Know that I am in a better place
one without disease
without hatred and without death
In this kingdom I now call home

I wait here for you
When your time comes to pass
to ease the transition
from the old to the new.

Cry for me no more.
Remember only the laughter.
For I am in another realm
And I wait to see you again.

About the Poem
This poem came to me after a request by a visitor to the Journey of Hearts site to find a poem that would be appropriate for remembering a birthday of a young woman, killed by a drunk driver in 1999.

The story reminded me of another young girl, the daughter of one of my teachers, who has killed in the mid 1970's during plane crash at the very young age of 3.

To both of them, their families and the many other families since who have lost loved ones suddenly and unexpectedly, we hope they have found their better place.

Angel image from boslea

Seeds of Promise - A Poem of Hope

2010-06-30T07:08:00.000-07:00

The new background image reminded me of a poem that I had written many years ago called "Seeds of Promise." I've included it here for readers.

Seeds of Promise

Golden beams of joy
Illuminate the day
Transform to a fragile flower.
Intricate lacy patterns,
Woven with gossamer threads
of dreams.

Translucent desires,
Visible for those with feelings,
hidden from those with none.
Whispers on the breeze
of promise.

Seeds scatter
cast on the wind.
Spreading wishes and dreams.
Messengers of hope
and renewal.

A promise of new life,
of beginnings.

© 1996 Kirsti A. Dyer, MD, MS

About the Poem

Seeds of Promise, is a poem that I wrote to inspire and to bring hope.

The poem is about messengers of hope being scattered on the wind, to grow in other places. With the scattering of seeds comes the hope for the future and in time a promise of a better tomorrow.

The poem appears in the Emergency Pick-me-up section of the Journey of Hearts website.

Image: boymk. Big Dandelion. Royalty Free Use.

A New Look for the Grief, Loss & Transitions Blog

2010-06-29T17:03:00.000-07:00

With all of the new changes being made to Blogger and new templates and template designer now available, it seemed time to update the Grief, Loss & Transitions Blog.

One of my favorite things to do into adulthood and to share with my girls now is making wishes on 'Wish Wands' as we call Dandelions.

The Dandelion image from cmisje seemed to be a good one to use to update the blog.

My wish for those grieving who find this blog, is that they find strength to help them cope with challenging times.

Engage with Grace Project - Thanksgiving Blog Rally

2009-11-22T12:52:00.000-08:00

I received an email this week telling me about the blog rally being held by several health care bloggers to get the word out about starting the difficult questions on End of Life Care.

Their project Engage with Grace: The One Slide Project was launched in 2008 with the hope of getting people talking about end of life care. They created a single slide with 5 questions "designed to help get us talking with each other, with our loved ones, about our preferences."

Furthermore they are asking people to share this One Slide — wherever and whenever they can in blogs, in presentations and in conversations.

Thanksgiving Blog Rally
For Thanksgiving they are hosting a Blog rally, asking bloggers to post information about the Engage with Grace project starting Tuesday November 24 and leaving it up through the Thanksgiving weekend.

For examples of what other bloggers are doing this year the the blog rally see:

Eliza Blog's 2009 post on Some conversations are easier than others from their Eliza blog.
Paul Levy's 2008 post on Engage with Grace from his Running a Hospital Blog.

Spreading the Word
They are also asking people to help spread the word in their social networks:

Donate your Facebook status by posting something about the Blog Rally.
Donate your Twitter status by posting something about the Blog Rally, using the hashtag #EWG

They are suggesting using “Pssssst - Engage with Grace at www.engagewithgrace.org. Join the Blog Rally. Pass it on. #EWG”

You can learn even more about this project in the moving video by Engage with Grace co-founder and sister-in-law of Za, Alexandra Drane.

Engage with Grace from Health 2.0 on Vimeo.

To learn more about what you can do visit the Engage with Grace website.

Poems for Healing: The Messenger

2009-11-18T12:11:00.000-08:00

The Messenger was written many years ago to provide a bit of solace and soothing words for a family friend and patient, both of whom had recently lost their spouses.

I decided to share the healing poem, The Messenger since it has been used as a remembrance poem by so many people in newpapers, brochures, online and at funeral services.

The Messenger

From an Angel on high
a tender message of love was softly whispered into the ear
of this humble scribe....

More about Journey of Hearts Poetry
I am always a bit surprised when I go searching for some of the healing poems that I wrote and included in the early days of the Journey of Hearts site.

My poems (The Messenger and In Memory of You) show up on many spontaneous bereavement sites from those whose deaths were not major news events to those whose deaths were major news events like 9-11, Laci Patterson and Michael Jackson. Unfortunately the poems are often unattributed to "Anonymous" and do not include a reference to the Journey of Hearts website.

The poem seems to have sprouted wings and flies around the Internet spreading healing words. By reposting a newer version of The Messenger online, I am hopeful that people will find the version of The Messenger and correctly link to the blog or the Journey of Hearts site.

More on Poetry on the Grief, Loss & Transitions Blog
Dyer K. Words to Comfort - In Memory of You July 2007. Grief, Loss & Bereavement Blog.
Dyer K. Poetry - To Help You Make it Through. August 2007. Grief, Loss & Bereavement Blog.

Image: Asafesh. Ink Pot. Royalty Free Use.

Water Blessing Label Bookmarks for Focused Healing

2009-09-14T13:57:00.000-07:00

In September 2009 The Spirit of Water added several news products to their product line that I have already supported in this blog and in the NICU Parent Support Blog.

The new product that I am really excited about is their Water Blessing Labels Bookmarks, particularly the one for focused healing.

Blessing for Weight Loss, Focused Healing and for Awakening

There are three news Water Blessing Label Bookmarks, one for Weight Loss, one for Focused Healing and another for Awakening.

The 6 phrases on blessing labels for Weight Loss are: "fresh start," "mindful eating," "breakthrough," "vibrant health," "ageless beauty," and "boundless energy."
The 6 words on blessing labels for the Focused healing are: "acceptance," "serenity," "courage," "patience," "humor," and "energy."
The 6 words on blessing labels words for Awakening are: "love,""gratitude,""peace," and "joy."

The Focused Healing labels contain the 6 static-cling blessing labels, bookmark and inspirational mini cards. The words on the bookmark carry a healing message as well:

You are guided from within as your healing journey brings you back to yourself.

The bookmark can be used to inspire you in your healing process. Place it in a book as a reminder of your healing journey.

More affordable
These bookmarks are a smaller number of blessing labels than the regular size, so half the price $4.95 compared to $9.95 for the larger size.

Find out more about the bookmarks and other new products, the Water Blessing Labels and specially offers at their website, The Spirit of Water.

More:

Dyer KA. 2009. Water Blessing Labels a Way to Help with Healing and Coping. Grief, Loss & Transitions Blog.
Dyer KA. 2009. Spirit of Water - Love is in the NICU. NICU Parent Support Blog.
Dyer KA. 2007. Water Blessing LabelsTurn Water (or Medicine) into Liquid Prayers. NICU Parent Support Blog.
Dyer KA. 2008. Water Blessing Labels. Squidoo.com

Image Source: The Spirit of Water Website.

Remembering on the 8th Anniversary of September 11, 2001

2009-09-11T12:51:00.000-07:00

This year marks the 8th Anniversary of September 11, 2001. For some losses, such as this type of tragic loss, the grief remains. A quote from Senator Ted Kennedy written to a widow of 9/11, that was heard at his recent funeral, captures the nature of coping with tragic loss:

As you know so well, the passage of time never really heals the tragic memory of such a great loss, but we carry on, because we have to, because our loved one would want us to, and because there is still light to guide us in the world from the love they gave us.

Now 8 years later, we stop to remember those who died, in different ways around the country. This video clip from WPRI.com News shows some of the many ways that September 11th is being remembered in the United States and around the world.

From WPRI.com" With familiar rituals of grief and a new purpose to honor those who rushed into danger to help, the nation marked eight years since the Sept. 11 terror attacks Friday, with volunteers reading the names of the World Trade Center lost.

- Remembering 9/11 -

Ways of Remembering
If you can't make it to New York to celebrate, there are other ways that you can remember and honor the memory of those lost online:

Wear Red on 9-11 - A grass roots effort to encouraging people to wear read on September 11 to show your support to those who lost their lives in the terrorist attacks of 2001. People on Twitter and Facebook can also participate in special ways.

911 Day of Service- My Good Deed has been working since 2002 to get September 11 established as a National Day of Service, to honor the victims and those who rose to service in response to the attacks on America. This is the first official year of celebrating 911 as a day of service.

For more suggestions and ways of coping, you can read the blog post that from last year on What is an Anniversary Response or Anniversary Reaction?

More Resources
Dyer KA. 2009. Coping with Grief on the Anniversary of September 11, 2001. Coping with Grief Group. The Circle.
Dyer KA. 2008. What is an Anniversary Response or Anniversary Reaction? Grief, Loss & Transitions Blog.
Dyer KA. 2007. Anniversary Reaction - When Remembering Isn't Always a Happy Occasion. Squidoo.com

Image: Roderick Yang. Ground Zero. Royalty Free Use.

Senator Kennedy's Gift of Time: Dying on His Own Terms

2009-08-31T12:27:00.000-07:00

When I heard that Senator Kennedy had died, one of my first thoughts was that he had been able to die on his terms. He announced in May 2008 that he had a malignant brain tumor. When he died on August 26th this year, he had lived over a year with his cancer diagnosis.

Ironically, Senator Kennedy outlived three brothers, four sisters and three nephews. His tribute to nephew John Kennedy Jr after his fatal plane crash was such a moving reflection on time and the years one is given to live.

His time, which was not doubled, but cut in half, will live forever in our memory...
But like his father, he had every gift but length of years.

A Gift of Time
He was given the time to say good by to family, friends and colleagues. He was given time to be honored for a lifetime of public service, receiving the Presidential Medal of Freedom, the nation's highest civilian honor. He was given the time to even plan and orchestrate his memorial and funeral services. President Obama also spoke of this gift of time in his eulogy for Senator Kennedy:

He was given the gift of time that his brothers were not, and he used that gift to touch as many lives and right as many wrongs as the years would allow.

The Final Year
In her interview with Maria Shriver spoke about her uncle's final year as a beautiful blessing. He lived to experience the love and the gratitude of his family and his colleagues, something that his brothers had not done.

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

The Gift of Time given to Senator Kennedy allowed him to experience death on his own terms, to say good bye, to receive love from others and to have a say in how his final days would be spent.

This is the type of desired outcome that most practitioners of end-of-life care wish for their patients, the chance to experience the Gift of Time.

Update September 11, 2009
CNN.com reported today that Senator Kennedy began planning his funeral in 2007, long before his brain tumor. According to the article, Senator Kennedy had informed fellow members of the Massachusetts congressional delegation in 2007 that he had been working on his memorial plans and reflecting on his legacy, most notably that of Health Care.

In addition, as I'd suspected, an unnamed source in the article told CNN that the senator had focused on specific arrangements of his funeral and memorial service in the months leading up to his death.

Source: CNN.com. September 11, 2009. Kennedy began planning funeral before brain tumor

Motherland the Film - A Tribute to Those Coping with Grief

2009-08-16T13:35:00.000-07:00

Motherland the Film is an amazing look at six women's journey of healing following the loss of a child by reaching out to help others half a world away.

Film-maker and director Jennifer Steinman documents a 17-day trip to South Africa of six grieving women from different parts of the United States to visit what Stephen Lewis, UN envoy for HIV/AIDS in Africa, refers to as "an entire continent in mourning."

As noted in the Movie's home page,

Unexpectedly and eight thousand miles from home, each finds comfort and healing in a landscape that appears, at first, to offer little more than melancholy.

You can also listen to an interview with director Jennifer Steinman about the making of the film:

This film really speaks to the healing power of volunteerism and also of the benefits of grieving in a community.

Awards for the Film
"Motherland" was the winner of the 2009 Emerging Visions Audience Award at the South by Southwest (SXSW) Film Festival. Its other awards include the Jury Prize for Best Feature at the 2009 Sebastopol Documentary Film Festival and Best Documentary at the 2009 California Independent Film Festival.

Opening Online - August 26, 2009
You can watch Motherland the Film when it premieres online August 26, 2009 on Gigantic Digital for the amazingly low price of $2.99 for a three day access pass. Visit Gigantic Digital to find out more about accessing this inspirational film.

Gone Too Soon - Michael Jackson's Prophetic Song

2009-07-09T01:39:00.000-07:00

I thought I knew most of the great songs for dealing with loss, but this one, "Gone Too Soon" written by Michael Jackson came out while I was in Medical School and didn't get much air play, so was one that I missed.

The song has been going through my head since I heard Usher sing it at the memorial services. The song is a beautiful message of sadness and sorrow over the loss of a friend, but more so as a prophetic message of Michael Jackson's own passing.

Like A Comet
Blazing 'Cross The Evening Sky
Gone Too Soon

Like A Rainbow
Fading In The Twinkling Of An Eye
Gone Too Soon

Born To Amuse, To Inspire,
To Delight
Here One Day
Gone One Night

"Gone Too Soon" is a song written by Michael Jackson as a Musical Memorial Tribute for his friend Ryan White, a young boy at the center of the AIDS epidemic in the late 1980's. Ryan was a hemophiliac who contracted the disease from blood transfusions, before the blood supply was screened.

You can watch a live performance of the song by Michael Jackson below from President Clinton's 1992 Inaugural Ball.

Knowing Life Might End Too Soon
Sometimes people have a sense of their own mortality. Working with younger hospice patients in particular, one gets a sense that they know they are dying.

According to Lisa Marie Presley, Michael Jackson's wife, he may have had a sense, a knowing that he would die young, like her father (Elvis Presley) had. Soon after his death she posted on her MySpace Page, Michael had told her:

"I am afraid that I am going to end up like him (Elvis), the way he did."

I promptly tried to deter him from the idea, at which point he just shrugged his shoulders and nodded almost matter of fact as if to let me know, he knew what he knew and that was kind of that.

Their conversation would have occurred several years after "Gone Too Soon" was recorded and released.

Passing the Torch
This poignant, prophetic nature of this song also reminds me of a quote that seems to apply by George Bernard Shaw:

Life is no brief candle to me. It is a sort of splendid torch which I have got a hold of for the moment, and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations.

Michael Jackson now joins the rankings of Princess Diana, John Lennon, John F. Kennedy Jr., Steve Irwin, John Denver and John Kennedy and so many others who shone brightly as possible but passed that torch on much too soon.

P.S.
This blog post was the inspiration to create a tribute lens on Squidoo for all of those, famous and not so famous who have Gone Too Soon.

Image Source: NASA. Comets. Planetary Systems Library. Government Document.

Smile - A Beautiful Heartfelt Musical Memorial

2009-07-07T21:58:00.000-07:00

It was only fitting at the Michael Jackson memorial service that was a celebration of his life ceremony that there were so many moving musical tributes. This service was a event shared around the world, a moment when the world stopped to grieve, to breathe and to remember together.

One of the more touching moment for me came first with Brooke Shields reminiscences that Michael Jackson's favorite song was "Smile" by Charlie Chaplin. His brother Jermaine took the stage with his version of "Smile."

"Smile" has been one of my favorite songs, a song that helps people cope with death and loss. The words of "Smile" offer hope as a way of making it though on those tough days.

Smile though your heart is aching;
Smile even though it's breaking.

That's the time you must keep on trying,
Smile, what's the use of crying?
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile.

Smile is a good song to remember and to listen to on days when the world seems to b e filled with sadness, like this day when we said good by to the person being called "the greatest entertainer that has ever lived."

More
Dyer K. Smile Though Your Heart is Aching. Squidoo.
Dyer K. 2007. Life is still worthwhile if you just smile - An Inspirational Song by Josh Groban. Grief, Loss and Transitions Blog.

Pocket Cemetery Inspired by Recent Celebrity Deaths

2009-07-06T10:12:00.000-07:00

The pre-release of the new iPhone app, Pocket Cemetery has been inspired by the recent series of celebrity deaths, most notably Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, Ed McMahon and Billy Mays.

Remembering Michael Jackson

Remembering Farrah Fawcett and Billy Mays

About Pocket Cemetery

According to their Website Pocket Cemetery is the first iPhone application that allows users to create virtual memorials for departed loved ones using customizable tombstones with pictures, bios and favorite memories. Users can easily create personalized plots for dead relatives, friends, pets, celebrities or anyone they want to memorialize. Aside from creating memorials, Pocket Cemetery also allows users to place virtual flowers on graves along with sending personal prayers and messages to dead loved ones.

Debating the Merits of Pocket Cemetery

Technology people are twittering and debating the merits of an application like Pocket Cemetery. Many feel it is exploiting those who have experienced a loss. With an introductory price of $1.99 and the regular price of $2.99, it seems like a very small price to pay for an application that could be very beneficial in helping someone cope with a loss.

Share Your thoughts on Pocket Cemetery

You can share your thoughts on Pocket Cemetery on the Pocket Cemetery page or by Tweeting your thoughts on Twitter with the hashcode #iGrief.

I am curious to know what some of the other people in the fields of grief, loss, bereavement and death and dying think about using new technologies to help those grieving a loss.

More:

Dyer K. 2009. Pocket Cemetery: A Way to Carry Departed Loved Ones in a Pocket. Squidoo.com.

Press Release. 2009. New iPhone App Memorializes Dead Loved Ones In The Palm Of Your Hand. PRWeb.

Rest in Peace - June's Deaths

2009-07-02T15:02:00.001-07:00

People often believe when a celebrity dies, they go in three's. This isn't the case for the month of June.

There must be something in the air or the planets must be in the wrong alignment during the month of June. In the span of a couple of weeks we have lost more than just a few celebrities. Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson, Billy Mays and early in the month David Carradine.

Hopefully the trend won't be continuing into July. Yesterday we saw the death of Karl Malden.

Some of these deaths were more anticipated--Ed McMahon and Karl Malden both advanced ages, Farrah Fawcett battling cancer--some of these deaths were sudden, accidental and unexpected--Michael Jackson and Billy Mays both only 50 years old.

I found this image from Mary Ann Hernandez this morning and the photo was such a good visual and a healing visual in some ways. It helped put all of these deaths into some perspective.

The other song that has been going through my head this week after hearing the death of Michael Jackson is the Righteous Brothers, Rock and Roll Heaven.

If there's a rock and roll heaven,
Well you know they've got a hell of a band.

Thoughts and condolences to all of the families, friends and fans of those who have died this June.

More:
Dyer KA. 2009. Twitter to Announce Deaths, Send Sympathies and Condolences. Squidoo.
Dyer KA. 2009. June 25, 2009. A “Where were you when…” Day. Grief, Loss and Bereavement Edublog.

Image Source: Mary Ann Hernandez. R.I.P. Creative Commons. Some Rights Reserved.

Strength in Adversity - Quote from Grey's Anatomy

2009-04-28T21:19:00.000-07:00

Another inspiring quote came from Grey's Anatomy Season 5's Episode 19. The quote is part of the speech that Derek gives to Meredith in their unorthodox "proposal."

This quote from Derek focuses on being strong in the face of adversity.

You say
you’re all dark and twisty,
it’s not a flaw,
it’s a strength.
It makes you who you are.

I managed to find the perfect dark and twisty image to accompany the quote.

Image Source: Lynne Lancaster. Black Sun, Dead Tree. Royalty Free Use.

Surviving a Crisis - Quote from Grey's Anatomy

2009-04-16T14:44:00.000-07:00

This quote came from Grey's Anatomy Season 5's Episode 19. It is probably one of my favorite quotes on surviving a crisis.

The quote is part of what Derek tells Meredith when giving her reasons why he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her.

If there is a crisis you don't freeze, you move forward.
You get the rest of us to move forward, because you've seen worse.
You've survived worse and you know--we'll survive too.

This quote really hit home for me as it would for anyone who has survived a major loss. It is a beautiful testament to survivors. "You get the rest of us to move forward, because you've seen worse."

I loved the quote so much that I went back to listen to the episode so I could write it down and then had it put on a mug for myself.

I can't help but think how many times in the past this would have inspired me to keep moving forward. Now I can keep it on my desk as a reminder to keep going.

Water Blessing Labels a Way to Help with Healing and Coping

2009-04-10T12:45:00.000-07:00

I discovered the Spirit of Water website in 2007 and immediately was drawn to the concept of these Water Blessing Labels. I have always been inspired by words and quotes. These Blessing Labels provided an easy way to help focus one's intention on health and healing, by putting labels on things that you use or that you see from water bottles to mirrors or windows.

The labels serve as a reminder of what you want to be focusing upon whether "health," "healing," "miracles," "faith," "courage," "energy" or many other words and symbols. As a physician their motto resonate with me:

Transform your water into Liquid Prayers.

What are Water Blessing Labels?
Water Blessing Labels are reusable static cling blessing labels allow you to using words as a simple way to enhance healing especially in the hospital setting and turn water or medicine being given to a patient into a liquid blessing. They can also be used to create liquid blessings for family members with words such as "guidance," "acceptance," "courage" and "faith."

Blessing Patients with "Liquid Prayers"
The imagery of "Liquid Prayers" or "Liquid Blessings" was one that really resonated. The labels were a way to enhance the healing process, especially for patients who believe in the power of intention. An example from the website really hit home for me:

After you shared the idea of putting healing labels on I.V. bags for chemo therapy, I took the ones I had bought for myself and got permission to use them on the I.V. bags of some of my patients in hospice care. I usually use "love" but sometimes I ask the patient what they want to use. Some use other words from the set.

I think it has made all the difference in the morale of those who undergo their treatments. I can see the amazing difference in their attitudes.

Thanks for that brilliant contribution.

Bonnie M., Ames, IA

It didn't take much for me to make the leap about how we might have used Water Blessing Labels when my youngest was in the NICU, to bless her fluids and to help us focus and stay positive by scattering inspiring, motivational messages all around. One of the things that was so frustrating as a NICU parent was the feeling that there wasn't much you could do. Using water blessing labels was a way to do something and also to focus positive thoughts on healing.

You can find out more about the Water Blessing Labels and other products at their website, The Spirit of Water.

More about the Water Blessing Labels:

Dyer KA. 2009. Spirit of Water - Love is in the NICU. NICU Parent Support Blog.
Dyer KA. 2007. Water Blessing LabelsTurn Water (or Medicine) into Liquid Prayers. NICU Parent Support Blog.
Dyer KA. 2008. Water Blessing Labels. Squidoo.com

Image Source: The Spirit of Water Website.

Do Not Stand At My Grave And Weep an eBook of Comfort

2009-02-11T07:09:00.000-08:00

Do Not Stand At My Grave and Weep is a helpful resource, an eBook with over 250 poems, quotes, words and readings of comfort for those who have experienced a loss. It is a beautiful collection of bereavement poems

I am honored that one of my own poems In Memory of You is included representing a contemporary bereavement poem.

You can read In Memory of You in one of the earlier posts on the Grief, Loss & Transitions Blog.

Do Not Stand At My Grave and Weep eBook - A Helpful Resource
The Do Not Stand At My Grave and Weep Book is also a very helpful resource for writing a eulogy, funeral or memorial speech. The eBook pdf format makes it easy to navigate the over 250 resources to find and copy the right words to used in writing a funeral or memorial speech.

Some of the many uses for this eBook include:

Funeral speeches
Funeral planning
Memorial Services
Writing Eulogies
Sending Words of Comfort as Condolences
Writing a Sympathy Letter or Note
Grieving a Loss - finding the right words to express how you are feeling
Writing an Obituary or Death Announcement
Reading Classic, Famous and Contemporary Bereavement Poems

More Resources for Coping with the Sudden Death of a Child

2009-01-15T07:03:00.000-08:00

I wrote several articles for Suite 101 on coping with the death of a child or coping with the sudden death of a child as part of my response to the Travolta-Preston Family Tragedy.

Navigating the Grief Journey is another article I have written on coping with a death or with a sudden loss.

Navigating the Grief Journey: How to Find Your Way During Challenging Times

Suite 101 Articles Featured on Compassionate Friends

The Compassionate Friends featured the article that I wrote for Suite101.com "Coping with the sudden death of a child" on their Grief in the News Page.

Deepest Sympathies to John Travolta and Kelly Preston on the Loss of their son, Jett

2009-01-04T08:05:00.000-08:00

The loss of a child at any age is for many parents the most difficult type of loss. Add to that a sudden loss, or a death that the parent is helping to prevent and you have the recipe for a sudden, traumatic death.

The death of John Travolta and Kelly Preston's son Jett is one of those deaths. It occurred while the family was on a vacation. It was a sudden, unanticipated death, apparently the result of a seizure. It was also a death that according to reports, John Travolta worked to prevent, providing CPR to his son with the help of an EMT.

How does one Cope with the Loss of a Child?
Coping with the loss of a child is never easy, coping with the sudden loss of a child can make the grieving process more difficult and prolonged.

Organizations like the Compassionate Friends have been helping families cope with the loss of a child at any age and from any cause since 1968.

In this video from the Compassionate Friends, family members who have experienced this loss firsthand share thoughts and insights of the grief journey, how the child’s death has affected their lives, and how finding support from The Compassionate Friends has helped them to survive.

Mission of the Compassionate Friends:
The mission of The Compassionate Friends is to assist families toward the positive resolution of grief following the death of a child of any age and to provide information to help others be supportive

Brochures Available from the Compassionate Friends:

Sources:

Streit. V. January 2, 2009. Actors’ son Jett Travolta dies at 16. CNN.com

Lucas L, Lauinger J, Goldsmith S. January 4, 2009. John Travolta, EMT struggled to save 16-year-old Jett. NY Daily News.

Poems for Times of Turmoil

2008-10-15T10:02:00.000-07:00

Another gift arrived in my mail box this week.

This email was a message offering hope to people coping with challenging times

The email "gift" came from the staff of the Academy of American Poets with links to a collection of poems specially selected for Times of Turmoil.

It arrived with a note from the Executive Director, Academy of American Poets, Tree Swenson, who offered these comforting words:

We seem to be able to do so little against the loss and fear and panic. Yet poetry’s realm is precisely here — in the emotional center, where desire and terror and hope and dread converge without easy answers.

Poetry to Help During Challenging Times
I have been a long-time supporter of the use of poetry to help in challenging times, particularly to help with the grieving process. As I noted in this earlier blog post, Poetry - To Help You Make it Through

Poetry can help us realize we are not alone or unique in our grief or desolation. Someone else has lived through these intense emotions, felt what I am feeling and survived. I am not alone in these feelings of grief.

Executive Director, Academy of American Poets, Tree Swenson also noted that "Poetry can provide solace, give voice to despair, restore optimism, or simply remind us of our common connection through words."

William Faulkner said in his Nobel speech,

"The poet's voice need not merely be the record of man, it can be one of the props, the pillars to help him endure and prevail."

Poetry Therapist John Fox so explains the beneficial effects of poetry:

Poems speak to us when nothing else will. Poetry helps us to feel our lives rather than be numb. Poem making helps us move through grief, life transitions and illness by providing comfort and sustenance on this difficult journey.

Poems for Turmoil - The Collection
I couldn't find the list of poems yet on the Academy of American Poets, so I have included the list with links to the site below.

The times are nightfall, look, their light grows less by Gerard Manley Hopkins
blessing the boats by Lucille Clifton
Identity Crisis by F. D. Reeves
O Little Root of a Dream by Paul Celan translated by Heather McHugh
Chaplinesque by Hart Crane
Thing by Rae Armantrout
O Me! O Life! by Walt Whitman
In a Country by Larry Levis
Poet's Work by Lorine Niedecker

These poems are offered with the hope they will open the possibility of a different kind of reflection in the fog of uncertainty.

Growing from Challenges

2008-10-14T09:53:00.000-07:00

I figured I would continue to explore resources for coping with challenges. With all of the craziness going on I think that many people will continue to need some comforting words.

Comedians often turn to comedy as a way of coping with their own life challenges and hardships. Carol Burnett is no exception.

I have always grown
from my problems
and challenges.
From the things
that don't work out,
that's when I've really learned.

Carol Burnett

She has faced many hardships and losses in her life, including the death of both a husband and a daughter.

One revelation in facing challenges is that many of us discover a strong internal sense of strength, for some a light, that helps to guide us through the difficult times.

Remember that these are the things that make us stronger.

Photo Source: Stefanie L. Breakthrough. Royalty Free Use.

Coping with Challenging Times - Face It!

2008-10-13T15:45:00.000-07:00

With all of the craziness going on with the economy, the election and other dis ease in the world, many of us are understandably feeling uneasy. These are troubling and disturbing times.

Many people have experienced significant financial losses, job losses and other personal losses. It is hard to know what to do, where to turn or how thing will eventually turn out.

In the last couple of days I've started receiving emails in my boxes from people hoping to capitalize on these troubling times by selling their services to help people find comfort and calmness when they might be fearful, advice for what the most important thing is to do in the current economy and also to find ways of pinching pennies by purchasing their products.

I was glad to see Paul's weekly Ripples Newsletter arrive this morning as a splash of inspiration and hope to start the week. Paul offered some simple, helpful advice (for free) for coping with these challenging times.

Free advice and hope that didn't require a price tag to read it.

Thanks Paul!

Enjoy!

*************************

Ripples v10.41: Face It!

October 13, 2008: a free weekly splash to 21,410 subscribers from Paul & The Ripples Project

__PEBBLE _________________________________

Facing it, always facing it, that's the way to get through. Face it.
-Joseph Conrad, submitted by Lin H., Bloomington IL

__BOULDER _________________________________

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.
-Frank Herbert, submitted by Stephanie W., West Des Moines IA

__PONDER _________________________________

If you are feeling scared or bewildered or frustrated by the crazy events recently, you need to remember a few things:

1. You are not the only one.
2. Things will get better.
3. You can handle this.

Yes, you can. You can FACE IT just like you have dealt with other challenges in your life. And I have a sneaking suspicion that not only will you come out of this okay, you might even be stronger, smarter, and braver.

So put your game face on, and FACE IT!

Peace,
Paul

The Ripples Project

For More information about The Ripples Project, see their website.You can also sign up to join the more than 20,000 subscribers and get your own weekly dose of free inspiration.

Image Source: Martin Boulanger. Lyon 4. Royalty Free Use.

Dr. Dyer to talk about the Anniversary Response and Healing on 9/11

2008-09-10T11:03:00.000-07:00

On 9/11 I will be joining Dr. Sally Witt as one of her guests for her blog talk radio show “9/11 Remembrance and Healing with Dr. Sally.”

The show is about continued healing, seven years after the tragic attacks. It is schedule to be a show of love, respect, and remembrance without political discussions.

I am one of the scheduled guests as the Bereavement Specialist, based on the Anniversary Reaction lens that I created on Squidoo. The lens was written to help people understand the Anniversary Reaction and why sometimes remembering isn’t always a happy occasion.

If you want to tune in to hear the show, I am scheduled to be on the show from 3:00 - 3:30 EST, 12:00 - 13:30 PST (My time). It is supposed to be recorded, so I’ll include a link once the file is available.

What is an Anniversary Response or Anniversary Reaction?

2008-08-31T13:10:00.000-07:00

The 11th anniversary of the Sudden Death of Princess Diana today, the 3rd anniversary of Hurricane Katrina a few days ago (August 29) and the upcoming anniversaries of the deaths of Steve Irwin (September 4, the 2nd) and September 11th (the 7th) all are reminders of what loved ones may experience as these dates near...an Anniversary Response.

Anniversary dates of a tragic event, the actual date of the death, the birth date of a loved one, holidays or other special occasions are common triggers for an Anniversary reaction or a grief response; this is a sudden unexpected rush of memories, intense emotions and feelings of grief.

Anniversary Reaction - Defined
The National Center for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder provides the following formal definition of an Anniversary Reaction:

On the anniversary of traumatic events, some people may find that they experience an increase in distressing memories of the event. These memories may be triggered by reminders, but memories may also seem to come from out of the blue while at work, home, or doing recreational activities. An increase in distress around the anniversary of a traumatic event is commonly known as an "anniversary reaction" and can range from feeling mildly upset for a day or two to a more extreme reaction in which an individual experiences significant psychiatric or medical symptoms.

Coping with an Anniversary Reaction
One way of coping with an Anniversary Reaction is to understand what to anticipate. The anniversary reaction can involve days, weeks or even months prior to the anniversary date of anxiety, anger, nightmares, flashbacks, depression or fear.

Ways of Coping on the Date of the Anniversary

The following list is a collection of different suggestions, activities and ideas of what to do on the actual anniversary date:

Gather with friends and families reminisce and tell favorite stories or memories about the person who has died.
Plan a remembrance service, celebration of life or find a special way of honoring the loved one lost.
Take flowers to the grave site, memorial site or location of the tragedy.
Plan a distraction, such as a weekend away or a visit with friends or relatives.
Create a road side memorial for a love one who has died in a car accident.
Make a donation to a charitable organization in the person's name on birthdays or holidays.
Build an ofrenda or altar with portraits, personal goods, clothing, favorite foods and possessions of the deceased family member.
Make a toast or say a prayer or blessing at the start of a family meal.
Listen to their favorite music.
Light a candle.
Look at old photos or videos.
Share memories over tea.
Plant a tree.
Establish a scholarship.
Dedicate a bench or plaque.
Write letters or a journal to the loved one to express your feelings.
Create a new tradition. This can be very helpful during the holidays. Instead of celebrating the same place and the same way as when the loved one was alive, find a new place and a new way.

Start a New Tradition
Starting a new tradition is perhaps one of the best ways of coping with a loss. Following the unexpected death of Steve Irwin to celebrated his life and his legacy a year later the Family created the "Steve Irwin Day."

Create a Memorial
For what would have been John Lennon's 67th birthday on Videy Island in Reykjavik, Iceland last year Yoko Ono unveiled the Imagine Peace Tower as a way of encouraging global peace.

Light a Candle
Since 1997, on the second Sunday in December The Compassionate Friends (TCF) hold a Worldwide Candle Lighting in memory of all children who have died too soon. On this day people around the world are encouraged to light a candle to so that...Their Light May Always Shine.

More Information
Dyer KA. 2007 - 2008. Anniversary Reaction - When Remembering Isn't Always a Happy Occasion. Squidoo.com

Sources: Hamblen J, Friedman M, Schnurr P. 2007. Anniversary Reactions: A National Center for PTSD Fact Sheet. National Center for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

Photo Source: Sophie. Heart. Royalty Free Use.

Sacred Life Sunday
This post is one of the Celebrating Sacred Life Sundays Post, a weekly celebration of what is sacred and special in our life. Anniversaries are a reminder to me what is sacred and what we need to celebrate as being special in our lives.
See the first post on Sacred Life Sunday to read more.

Taking Life Moment by Moment and TAKE CARE

2008-04-18T13:55:00.000-07:00

The more I understand grief and loss the more that I have come to realize that

On life's most difficult days
all that we can do
is simply take things
Moment by Moment.

Kirsti A. Dyer MD, MS, FT

During difficult times or challenging time sometimes the best one can do or hope to do is just take life moment by moment.

TAKE CARE During Difficult Times

Figuring out what to do when faced with life's challenges can be very difficult. In the recent blog on Coping with Sudden Death - A Series of Recent School Shootings I shared some tips for coping with loss with a reminder to focus on the basics after a sudden loss.

TAKE CARE has been developed as an acronym to be used as a to reminder to focus on the basics following a loss, death or significant life changing.

Time that is needed to survive the grief.
Avoid alcohol and other medications.
Keep to some routine or schedule.
Eat a balanced diet, focusing on healthy foods and water.
Converse with others, especially those that have ‘been there’ and 'survived that.'
Artistic ways of coping – journaling, building, crafting, knitting and others.
Rest and Sleep are important coping strategies.
Exercise to reduce stress and improve mood.

This reminder to TAKE CARE covers most of the basics to focus on following a loss that I have been recommending to people for years in coping with loss.

Photo Credit: Janet Goulden. Two Hearts. Royalty Free Use.

Being with a Dying Person - A Sacred Event

2008-04-06T14:47:00.000-07:00

For me when I was a medical student, a resident physician or a physician in practice and now as a bereavement professor, one of the most sacred experiences was that of being with a person during their final stages or life. Being able to walk with someone through the dying process is one of the most challenging and sacred of experiences.

This is the reason that I've selected the topic of Being with a Dying Person as the another topic for Sacred Life Sundays.

Sharing the End of Life
Sharing the wonder and the terror of being on the edge of being is bearing a witness to a person's final journey. Walking with a loved one or a patient on this sacred final path is a very extraordinary and intimate experience, as we learn the importance of just being.

Former New York Times book review editor and essayist, Anatole Broyard offered some wise first-hand insights about being with a person at the end of life in his essay "Doctor Talk to Me." In this article he encourages people, doctors in particular, to open their hearts to the dying patient with a reminder that...

Not every patient can be saved, but his illness may be eased by the way the doctor responds to him...
In learning to talk to his patients, the doctor may talk himself back into loving his work.
He has little to lose and much to gain by letting the sick man into his heart.
If he does, they can share, as few others can, the wonder, terror and exaltation of being on the edge of being.

Being a Healing Presence
Often the most difficult role of a physician or a family member is knowing when to "let go" with someone at the end of life and just "to be." We may feel as though we have little to offer the dying patient, yet these wise words from Anatole Broyard, a dying patient, can help us to realize that illness may be eased by the way the doctor (or the family) responds to the patient.

There is a healing power in human presence in simply being.

Just Be

Be yourself and relate person to person.
Be ready to listen again and again.
Be respectful.
Be aware of feelings and non-verbal cues.
Be present.
Be comfortable with silence.
Be human.
Be genuine.
Most of all--Be there.

Sharing the Silence
Dr. Rachel Naomi Remen offers the following description of being and sharing true intimacy.

We experience intimacy not by sharing words,
but by sharing the silence.

In the end of life what matters, what makes the difference, is taking the time to slow down, to hold a hand, to give support, to just be and to share the silence.

Sacred Life Sunday
This post is one of the Celebrating Sacred Life Sundays Post, a weekly celebration of what is sacred and special in our life. See the first post on Sacred Life Sunday to read more.

______________________________

Sources:
Dyer, K. Healers and Healing. July 1998. At: http://dying.about.com/od/poetry/a/healers.htm
Ostaseski F. How to be with a Dying Person. On Our Own Terms. 2000, Educational Broadcasting Corporation/Public Affairs Television, Inc. At: http://www.pbs.org/wnet/onourownterms/articles/withperson-tools.html
Being a Supportive Friend to A Grieving Person, North Central Florida Hospice, Inc. 1996. http://www.journeyofhearts.org/jofh/kirstimd/friend.htm
Rabow MW, McPhee SJ. Beyond breaking bad news: how to help patient who suffer. WJM 1999:171:260-263. At: http://www.pubmedcentral.nih.gov/articlerender.fcgi?artid=1305864
Broyard A. Doctor Talk to Me. New York Times. August, 26 1990.

Image Source:
Julio Cid. Being Hands. Used with Permission

Earth Hour - Turn out the Lights on 3/29 Prevent the Loss of the Planet

2008-03-23T09:28:00.000-07:00

I am taking a bit of a digression from the Normal Grief, Loss & Transitions postings to post a blog about Earth Hour, a Global Event on March 29 to raise awareness about Climate Change.

The topic of Climate Change does relate to this blog topic of Grief, Loss and Transitions. We are seeing a transition in the global climate, which may lead to a loss and grief of things we have previously taken for granted.

Do Something While We Still have a Chance
Al Gore's quotes from an Inconvenient Truth really got to me as a Mother of two young children:

Future generations may well have occasion to ask themselves, "What were our parents thinking? Why didn't they wake up when they had a chance?"

We have to hear that question from them, now.

I want to make sure that my daughter's get to enjoy hiking and being out in nature the same way that I have been able to do.

Lights out on Earth Hour 2008, March 29
On March 29, 2008 at 8:00 pm millions of people, businesses and governments around the world will be switching off the lights for one hour during Earth Hour 2008.

I've been trying to spread the word and get people to sign up and turn off the lights on March 29 to do something good for the planet.

Earth Hour a simple one time act, but it's away of getting people, families, businesses and governments involved and thinking about Climate Change. Hopefully by raising awareness people will start doing other things in their daily lives to make a difference.

More Information:
You can read more about Earth Hour and more simple things you can do to make a difference in the various articles that I've posted on the topic on Squidoo, "Earth Hour 2008 on March 29, 2008 Turn off the Lights" on Type A Mom "Turn out the lights for Earth Hour March 29, 2008" on the Lensroll "Earth Hour 2008 - Turn out the Lights for One Hour" and on Momshare "Lights Out for Earth Hour on March 29, 2008 and for the Planet."

Sacred Life Sunday
This is a Celebrating Sacred Life Sundays Post, a weekly celebration of what is sacred and special in our life.

For me there is nothing more Sacred than ensuring my daughters get to enjoy hiking and being out in nature, something that I have done all of my life.

Resources:
Dyer KA. Earth Hour 2008 on March 29, 2008 Turn off the Lights. Squidoo.com
Dyer KA. Turn out the lights for Earth Hour March 29, 2008. Type-A Mom.
Dyer KA. Earth Hour 2008 - Turn out the Lights for One Hour. Lensroll.
Dyer KA. Lights Out for Earth Hour on March 29, 2008 and for the Planet. Momshare.

Life Transitions - Challenges that Test the Soul

2008-03-22T12:02:00.000-07:00

In the last blog, I looked at the definitions for Loss, Grief, Bereavement and Mourning. This time I'll look at the concept of Transitions since this blog is dedicated to "your times of transition."

What is a Transition?
Transition is a…

Passage from one state or stage to another;
especially: an abrupt change…usually accompanied by loss…(1)

Transitions in life can result from many different events. Some may be happy occasions such as births, marriages, new job or home or career promotions.

More often than not transitions are sad occasions like the end of a relationship, career, experiencing a traumatic event, child leaving home, loss of a loved one, being diagnosed with a life-threatening or terminal illness, or the ultimate transition-death.

Many of these "passages from one state to another," especially the challenging ones, are accompanied by a loss, by sorrow and by a grief response. These are the tough transitions, the ones that define a person.

Transitions - Life Defining Moments
Martin Luther King Jr. once said, "The ultimate measure of a [person] is not where s/he stands in moments of comfort, but where s/he stands at times of challenge and controversy."

Frequently, these times of transition become a person's major life-defining moments—moments after which a life is forever changed. Elizabeth Harper Neeld writes, "Tough transitions are time we have lived that will remain part of who we are forever. The very person we are has been changed by these experiences." They are often some of the most significant times in our lives. (2)

Transitions - Times that Test the Soul
John M. Schneider writes,

When we are grieving, we often believe that no one else has ever suffered as much. Feeling utterly alone in the agony we experience and in our struggle to keep going, no words of solace can comfort unless they come from one who has walked our path. When such words come, we can begin to discover just how universal the process of grief is.

Eventually, we discover that humans have grieved throughout history and that grief's wisdom transformed people long before we came along. (3)

No mater what your source of loss or grief, whether you have experienced it personally as a patient, a parent or family member or professionally as a health care provider, these times of transition are often the moments that define a life. Schneider also writes that these moments are "the times that test the soul. Facing loss and experiencing grief can result in profound transformation." (4)

Journey of Hearts - A Place to Share the Sorrow
I have believed for years, it is in the sharing of our losses that our own heart begins to heal. The Journey of Hearts website and the Grief, Loss & Transitions Blog are here to remind visitors that we are not alone in our losses or our feelings of grief, that someone else will have experienced similar losses (or worse) and survived.

Slowly as you begin to recognizes that others have lived through loss and survived then you too will begin to realize that can survive your own loss and live through this life transition.

Coping with Transitions by Sharing the Sorrow
According to a Swedish proverb,

"Shared joy is doubled joy. Shared sorrow is half sorrow."

By sharing we can half the sorrow and feel less alone with the intense feelings of loss or grief that accompany difficult transitions. Therefore, we invite you to half the sorrows by sharing your what worked for you when faced with one of life's difficult "transitions."

Sharing the losses and supporting one another during these challenging times of transition helps the heart grow stronger and more able to cope with life's challenges and helps us to feel less alone in our grief. (5)

Some of my own greatest challenges, the times that tested my soul, I have written about and shared in the NICU Parent Support Blog, most recently reliving our Easter NICU experiences.

More on Grief, Loss & Transitions:
Dyer KA. Loss, Grief, Bereavement and Mourning Defining the Terms. Grief, Loss & Transitions Blog.
Dyer KA. Journey of Hearts - A Source for Grief, Loss & Transitions. Grief, Loss & Transitions Blog.

Our Easter NICU Experiences:
Dyer KA. An Easter Healing Blessing in the Intensive Care Nursery. NICU Parent Support Blog.
Dyer KA. Creating a Circle of Healing and Support. NICU Parent Support Blog.
Dyer KA. An Easter Wish for NICU Parents. Type A Mom Website.

Sources:
1. Definition of Transitions. Merriam-Webster's Medical Dictionary, © 2002 Merriam-Webster, Inc.
2. Neeld, EH. 2005. Tough Transitions: Navigating Your Way Through Difficult Times. New York, New York: Warner Books, p.223.
3. Schneider JM. (ed) 2000. Grief's Wisdom: Quotes for Understanding the Transformative Process. Traverse City, Michigan: Seasons Press.
4. Schneider JM. Transforming Consciousness While Embracing Change and Experiencing Grief. John M. Schneider, Ph.D.
5. Dyer KA. 2002. Welcome to A Healing Place. Journey of Hearts.

Loss, Grief, Bereavement and Mourning - the Terms

2008-03-11T16:24:00.000-07:00

Loss, Grief, Bereavement and Mourning
This blog focuses on the topics of grief, loss and transitions, but people may not realize what these terms mean. In this entry, I look at the terms Loss and Grief and the related terms Bereavement and Mourning. In another entry, we'll look at the concept of Transitions.

Loss
Loss is the disappearance of something cherished, such as a person, possession or property.

A brief definition of Loss is the the disappearance of something cherished, such as a person, possession or property.
The definition of Loss also includes "the act or instance of losing; the failure to keep or get something valued; the harm or suffering caused by losing or being lost; losses a.k.a. casualties occurring during wartime; destruction; and a measurable reduction in some substance or process."

Loss is a common experience common experience that can be encountered many times during a lifetime; it does not discriminate for age, race, sex, education, economic status, religion, culture or nationality.

Most people have experienced some type of personal or professional loss at some point in their life as a byproduct of living.

Grief, Bereavement and Mourning
Grief, bereavement and mourning, are often used interchangeably, however they are not the same.

Grief
I like to think of Grief as the entire response--mind, body and spirit--to a loss.

A brief, short definition of Grief is "the normal reaction to loss."
A slightly longer definition of Grief "the normal process of reacting both internally and externally to the perception of loss."
A more complete definition of Grief comes from Stroeb M, Stroeb W and Shut H. Grief is "a multifaceted response to loss that includes psychological, behavioral and physical reactions combined with cognitive, emotional, behavioral, social, spiritual and somatic elements."

Bereavement
Bereavement is the often term used when the loss is due to the death of a loved one.

Bereavement is an objective state of having lost someone or something. The term is generally used to describe the state of having suffered a loss due to death.
Bereavement is the also considered to be the loss (by death) of someone important to you and the process caused by a loss or a death.

Mourning

Mourning is the process by which people adapt to loss the public expression of grief, which is shaped by social and cultural expectations. It is how an person tries to incorporate the loss into life and keep living.
Mourning is also the behavior expected by those in the cultural group following a death or loss.
Mourning is often considered to be the outward expression of grief that is influenced by a person's culture, customs and gender.

More:
Dyer KA. Loss, Grief & Bereavement on Squidoo.

Image Source: Anka Draganski. Grieving. Royalty Free Use.

Sources:
American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition. (2000) Houghton Mifflin Company. Definition of Loss. Bartleby.com
Childs-Gowell. E. 1992. Good Grief Rituals: Tools for Healing. Barrytown, N.Y.:Station Hill Press.
Dyer KA. 2004. Understanding the Impact of Loss & Grief on our Patient's Well Being: Learning How to Take a Loss History. MomMd.com
Dyer KA, Thompson CD. 2000. Journey of Hearts: From Idea to Reality A Website for Web-education Grief and Loss. ITCH 2000 (Information Technology in Community Health) Conference Preceedings. University of Victoria, School of Information Health Sciences.
Dyer KA. Identifying, Understanding, and Working with Grieving Parents in the NICU, Part I: Identifying and Understanding Loss and the Grief Response. Neonatal Network. May/June 2005; 24(4):35-46.
Casarett D, Kutner JS, Abrahm J. Life after Death: A Practical Approach to Grief and Bereavement. Ann Intern Med. 2001;134:208-215. 24 October, 2006.
Rando TA. 1993. Treatment of Complicated Mourning. Champaign, IL: Research Press, 22-3.
Stroeb M, Stroeb W, Shut H. Gender differences in adjustment to bereavement: an empirical and theoretical review. Rev Gen Psychol 5: 62-83.

Light a Candle for Sacred Life Sunday

2008-03-09T13:27:00.000-07:00

The first Sacred Life Sunday post is dedicated to Carla and her amazing candles. (If you haven't tried any of the Zena Moon Candles be sure to order some for your own sacred ceremonies.)

Creating a Mini Sacred Moment
I find during times of stress or duress or when I want to focus my thoughts on something, I will often light a favorite candle and just sit, watch the hypnotic flames and thing about Chandogya Upanishad's quote that

There is a light that shines
beyond all things on earth,
beyond us all, beyond the heavens.
This is the light that shines in our hearts.

Stopping to light a candle helps me to reconnect with the light that shines in our heart. Thanks to Carla, when picking out a candle to light I can choose one with a soothing, calming scent and combined with a favorite quote. (The one picture, intuition is the amazingly soothing scent of rain and plum.)

After lighting a favorite candle I can then sit for a few moments, watch the flame, focus on the quote and recenter myself as part of a mini sacred moment.

Creating a More Elaborate Sacred Moment
You can read about the A Cleansing, Healing Candle Burning Ceremony for suggestions on ways of creating a more elaborate sacred candle burning ceremony.

About Zena Moon Candles
Carla has made the Zena Moon Candles since 2000. Her unique hand-poured candles honor your journey, delight your senses and feed your spirit. I have a collection of her candles around my desk with "Inspiration," "Radiance," "Take a Risk," "Protection," "Faith," "Angel Blessings" and "Beyond Fear" are those closest at hand.

Sacred Life Sunday
This is a Celebrating Sacred Life Sundays Post, a weekly celebration of what is sacred and special in our life.

More on Lighting Candles:
Dyer KA. February 2008. A Cleansing, Healing Candle Burning Ceremony Grief, Loss & Transitions Blog.
Dyer KA. July 2007. Restoring Moment: Light a Candle. Type-A Mom Site.
Dyer KA. November 2007. Worldwide Candle Lighting Lens. Squidoo.

Celebrating Sacred Life Sunday

2008-03-07T12:20:00.000-08:00

Carla Blazek at Zena Musings has come up with a wonderful idea for celebrating what is special or sacred to you in life by blogging about it weekly on Sundays.

She describes Sacred Life Sunday as follows:

Sacred Life Sunday isn't really a challenge -- that sounds too strenuous -- it's really more of a softening ... into a moment, a treasured possession, a companion -- people, parts and places of your everyday life that you cherish. Whatever is sacred to you.

For me, it might be my altar, a candle I'm burning, my dogs, the garden, a friend, a book I'm reading, nature, something I did, someplace I went, something important to me, or, who knows, maybe just my morning bowl of Cheerios!

The idea is to creatively connect with the holiness of my everyday life, plus I also need gentle kicks in the butt to turn OFF the game of Hearts and away from shadow comforts and turn towards God, life and others.

Grief, Loss & Transitions Blog Joins Sacred Life Sunday
The main idea of Sacred Life Sunday is to share something that is sacred to you or helps you connect with your spirit on a weekly basis.

So I'll be joining the Sacred Life Sunday with the Grief, Loss and Transitions Blog and sharing something that is special, sacred or healing to me or just helps me reconnect with special restoring moments.

Source: Carla Blazek. Welcome to Sacred Life Sundays. October 2007. http://zenamoon.typepad.com/weblog/2007/10/welcome-to-sacr.html

Grief, Loss & Transitions is Now a Passionate Blog

2008-03-02T13:28:00.000-08:00

In my Internet blog searchings, I came across the Small is Beautiful Manifesto and immediately signed up the Grief, Loss & Transitions Blog as a Passionate Blog.

I have been following my passion with creating and maintaining the Journey of Hearts site and now the Grief, Loss and Transitions Blog for more than 10 years. (At least we've seen more than 600,000 visitors to the Journey of Hearts site.)

The Small is Beautiful Manifesto

We believe stories are valuable, no matter how many people read them.
We believe following your passion is more important that watching your site meter.
We believe in the handmade, the first try, the small start, and the good effort.
We believe that small is beautiful.

Source: Small is Beautiful. Magpie Girl. http://www.magpie-girl.com/small-is-beautiful-bloggers-manifesto/

How to Write a Condolence Note or Send a Sympathy Card

2008-02-17T08:42:00.000-08:00

Sending of sympathy cards links people together and reinforces a sense of community and solidarity in the wake of the calamity of death.

Charles Lippy
Sympathy Cards & the Grief Process

When to Send a Sympathy Card
There may be situations and circumstances when it is preferable to express your sympathy in a short condolence note or selecting sending a beautiful sympathy card to send with a note. Used correctly a Condolence Notes or Sympathy Cards is a way to quickly acknowledge a loss.

In these situations you can write a brief personal note on commercial condolence card or insert a brief hand-written note into a hand-crafted card. It is recommended that you follow up the short note with a condolence letter later.

Sending Sympathy Cards - Popular for Condolences in the U.S.
According to research by Hallmark, Americans send nearly 125 million sympathy cards annually. Sympathy cards are a simple gesture of support that provide meaning to both senders and receivers. Sympathy Cards and Condolence Notes are very popular in the United States more so than in other countries.

You can find out more about How to Write a Condolence Note in the article that I just recently published on the topic.

More Information:
Dyer K. 2008. How to Write a Condolence Note. Squidoo.com

Prior Blog Posts:
Dyer K. 2008. How to Write a Condolence Letter. Grief, Loss & Transitions Blog.

Image Source:
Elaine Broskie. Sympathy Card. Some Rights Reserved. Creative Commons.

Coping with Sudden Death - A Series of Recent School Shootings

2008-02-15T21:57:00.000-08:00

In the past few weeks we've seen another series of school shootings in California, Florida and now in Illinois. Friends, Family, Schools are left trying to figure out how to help the survivors cope with these sudden traumatic losses.

The Sudden Death Shatters Our World in an Instant

A sudden death is one that occurs without any forewarning; it is unanticipated.

A traumatic death, in addition to being sudden, can also be violent, mutilating or destructive; the traumatic death can be random and/or preventable or may involve many deaths.

The sudden, accidental, unexpected or traumatic death shatters the world as we know it. It is often a loss that does not make any sense.

In an instance life is forever changed. Survivors (those left behind) are left with the knowledge that life is not always fair and that sometimes bad things happen to good people. The sudden, traumatic death leaves the survivors feeling shaken, unsure and vulnerable.

Each type of sudden loss, whether a shooting, a heart attack, a car accident or a terrorist attack, leaves survivors bereaved, dazed and vulnerable trying to make sense out of the insensible loss. As survivors of sudden or traumatic death begin to process the loss, they experience a grief response.

After a Sudden Loss - Focus on the Basics

When facing the aftermath of a sudden death, it is important for the survivor to take care of him/herself following a sudden loss by focusing on the basics the body needs for day-to-day survival:

Maintain a normal routine. Even if it is difficult to do regular activities, try to anyway.
Putting more structure into a daily routine will help one to feel more in control.
Get enough sleep, at least plenty of rest.
It may be helpful to keep lists, write notes, or keep a schedule.
Try and get some regular exercise. This can help relieve stress and tension.
Keep a balanced diet. Watch out for junk food, or high calorie comfort food binges.
Drink plenty of water.
Drink alcohol in moderation. Alcohol should not be used as a way of masking the pain.
Do what comforts, sustains and recharges you.
Remember other difficult times and how you have survived them. Draw upon the inner strength.
Take it one hour at a time, one day at a time.

The Unanswerable Whys

Following a traumatic death or sudden loss, people are left wondering "Why?" It is difficult to find a good answer to this unanswerable question.

When faced with the unanswerable “Why” in the past, I have found the thoughts of Rabbi Earl Grollman on this topic to be very helpful in coping with this most difficult question. He says:

“Why must life be one of sorrow?” “Why?” There are no pat answers. No one completely understands the mysteries of life. Even if the question were answered, would your pain be eased?

There is no satisfactory response for an unresolvable dilemma. Not all questions have complete answers. “Unanswered Why's” are a part of life. The search may continue, but the real question might be “How [do I] pick up the pieces and go on living as meaningful as possible?”

Sources:
Dyer KA. 2002. Dealing with Sudden, Accidental or Traumatic Death. Journey of Hearts.
Dyer KA. 2001. 9-11: United in Courage & Grief. Ways of Coping then Helping. Journey of Hearts.
Dyer KA. 2001. 9-11: United in Courage & Grief. Why does my heart Feel so bad? Journey of Hearts.
Grollman RA. Why? Journeys Newsletter. Washington D.C.: Hospice Foundation of America, March 2001, p. 3.

Image Source: Broken Egg. Modified Microsoft Image.

A Virtual Hug for You on Valentine's Day... Pass it On

2008-02-14T10:23:00.000-08:00

Sometimes, a hug is all that we need.

Juan Mann

Valentine's Day can be difficult for those who are single and for those who are newly single. In previous blogs this week, Coping with Valentine's Day as a Single I shared some ways of coping with the holiday.

Another way of coping is to brighten someone's day by sharing a hug.

The Free Hugs Campaign
The Free Hugs Campaign began as one person's attempt to make a difference and reach out to others to brighten their lives. Read about his experiences with starting the Free Hugs Campaign.
The first person who stopped, tapped me on the shoulder and told me how her dog had just died that morning. How that morning had been the one year anniversary of her only daughter dying in a car accident. How what she needed now, when she felt most alone in the world, was a hug. I got down on one knee, we put our arms around each other and when we parted, she was smiling.
A simple gesture, a hug made all the difference for that woman who was grieving two losses. Watch the Video and be inspired:

Enjoy a Virtual Hug on Valentine's Day
In honor of Valentine's Day, I am posting a Virtual Hug. Here's Your Online Hug:

((( Hug )))

Be sure to pass on the Hug to someone else. Remember that

You can't give a hug without getting a hug in return.

I wish you a hug and a smile for this sometimes difficult day.

Sources:
Dyer K. 2007. Free Hugs Campaign. Squidoo.com
Dyer K. September 2007. The Gift of Touch - Quote on Hug (Touch) Therapy. Grief, Loss & Transitions Blog.
Dyer K. September 2007. Grief, Loss & Transitions Blog.
Dyer K. February 2008. A Cleansing, Healing Candle Burning Ceremony.Grief, Loss & Transitions Blog.
Dyer K. February 2008. Coping with Valentine's Day as a Single. Grief, Loss & Transitions Blog.
Dyer K. Ways of Coping with Valentine's Day. Condolence & Sympathy Section. Journey of Hearts.

Image Source:
Comfort Hug. © 2002 Kirsti A. Dyer, the Violet Heart Collection.

Be Inspired by A Knock at the Door

2008-02-12T21:12:00.000-08:00

"A Knock at the Door" was created as a love letter to your Inner Child. It was written for the dreamers of the world, those who still believe in magic and in miracles.

This mini-film is a beautiful empowering message for any young girl to believe in herself, in her imagination and in her dreams. It is also an empowering, inspiring and healing message to those of use who are a bit older.

Be Inspired and Watch the Love Letter for Your Inner Child:

"A Knock at the Door" Inspiring People Around the World
"A Knock at the Door" the 5-minute mini-film was created by Angi Sullins and Silas Toball as a fairy tale to inspire artists and dreamers. Since 2004 this mini-film has circled the globe via weblinks and emails and has been seen by over 1,000,000 viewers, inspiring those who view it.

For More Information and to order the Knock at the Door Book and DVD see the lens that I created A Knock at the Door - An Inspirational Mini-Film and Book - A Fairy Tale.

A Cleansing, Healing Candle Burning Ceremony

2008-02-11T21:21:00.000-08:00

I was inspired by the post yesterday on Coping with Valentine's Day as a Single and remembering the cleansing Valentine's Burning Ritual (Boyfriend burning bonfire) conducted by Phoebe for Monica and Rachel to help them deal with the holiday.

I went in search to find a positive, healing candle burning ritual and remembered that I had created on for my friends several years ago. This would work for Valentine's Day, when you are coping with a break-up or divorce. It would also work for any time that you would like to clear out the cobwebs of the past or manage a transition.

To do the candle ceremony yourself, read through the text, decide which passages you would like to use. Get the corresponding number of candles then recite the passages as you light the candle.

A Cleansing, Healing Candle Burning Ceremony

On this day…

I light a candle for harmony and transformation

so that past regrets, disappointments and losses no longer consume me.

I light a candle for understanding and compassion for all of humankind

for those who love me and for those who do not.

I light a candle for healing and cleansing my mind, body and spirit

so that my past no longer hides the wondrous essence of who I am.

On this day…

I light a candle for the insight to make wise decisions,

so that I can look to the future without regret.

I light a candle for the ability to confidently accomplish what is possible

and find the courage to accept whatever is beyond my control.

I light a candle for illumination to find my way through the darkness

and to light the way for others struggling in their own darkness.

On this day…

I light a candle for all of my hopes, wishes and dreams

and my abiding faith in believing they will come true.

I light a candle for empowerment and kindness

so that my heart is filled with light, love and happiness.

I light a candle for determination and strength

so that I can proceed on my life’s journey

in harmony and happiness with hope and a peaceful heart.

This blessing was created as part of a Holiday Ceremony for two of my dear friends to help them find hope and love for the New Year. It was inspired by a poem written by Francesca Lindquist "Light a Candle of Hope" many years ago originally available at the Hope for Infertility Website.

For More about the Benefits of Candle Ceremonies see the World Candle Lighting Lens on Squidoo.

Image Source: Modified Microsoft Images.

Coping with Valentine's Day as a Single

2008-02-11T06:35:00.000-08:00

For many, many of my adult years, Valentine's Day was a harsh reminder and a reality check of the absence of someone special in my life.

As a medical student and resident physician in training, I found it difficult to see the nursing staff and married student's getting special flowers from that "Special Someone."

I would spend many a day and night wondering, when or if, I would ever find someone. (I met my husband when we were both 36.)

Valentines - Harder for the Single Female?
Perhaps because of the Valentine Marketing that now appears soon after Christmas and the many pressures placed on women to be part of a "couple," Valentine's Day is harder for the single female and the newly single female.

These feelings were depicted on a classic "Friends" episode from the first season, where Phoebe leads Monica and Rachel on a cleansing Valentine's Burning Ritual (Boyfriend burning bonfire) to help them deal with the holiday. Their ritual goes awry and the fire department (with male fire fighters) respond.

Suggestions for Coping with Valentine's Day as a Single

Have a burning ritual, but make it a positive, cleansing one--getting rid of the old, to let in the new. Be fire aware.
Listen to your favorite uplifting music.
Light a candle.
Read an inspiring poem (not necessarily a love poem).
Take a minute to list everything you have to be grateful for, and focus on living life with gratitude.
Plan a special day just for you.
Give yourself a special spa day.
Go to a funny (non-romantic) movie.
Get your hair or nails done.
Give yourself the time to read the book, magazine that you've been wanting to read.
Watch the inspirational short mini-film, A Knock at the Door.
Plan a distraction, such as a weekend away or a visit with single friends or supportive relatives.
Create a new tradition.
Go on a lovely hike. Practice some nature therapy. Getting out in nature can be very uplifting.
Take a girlfriend out to Tea.
Remember that Life is still worthwhile if you just Smile.
Do something nice for someone else - thinking of others when you are feeling down is a great way to lift your spirits.

Suggestions for Coping with Valentine's Day When You're Newly Single

Valentine's Day is also a difficult day for those who are newly single, those who have lost that special someone, due to breakups, divorce and especially death. As with Christmas. Birthday's and Anniversaries, Valentine's Day can be another of the painful 'trigger' days that bring back the old memories.

Some helpful coping strategies for making it through the day include:

Take time to relax.
Focus on yourself and take care of your health.
Make time to attend to the needs of family, especially children.
Find someone to talk to about how you are feel.
Focus on good times you shared with your loved one, rather than the loss.
Pretend it is an ordinary, regular day.
Find a way of celebrating (or not) that will be the most meaningful for you.
If you need to take a look at other healthy ways of coping with grief.

Look over the list of suggestions for Coping with Valentine's Day as a Single and find one that sounds like it would be a good way to celebrate the day.

Sources:
Dyer K. Ways of Coping with Valentine's Day. Condolence & Sympathy Section. Journey of Hearts.
Dyer K. Anniversary Reaction - When Remembering Isn't Always a Happy Occasion. Squidoo.com
Dyer K. Life is still worthwhile if you just smile - An Inspirational Song by Josh Groban. August 2007. Grief, Loss & Transitions Blog.

Image Source:
Sarah Williams. Brokenheart. Royalty Free Use.

How to Write a Condolence Letter

2008-02-10T18:35:00.000-08:00

Finding the right words to write a condolence letter or sympathy note may be challenging, yet the benefits can be immeasurable especially for the recipient.

Many people don't realize the importance of Sympathy Letters until they have been on the receiving end and greatly appreciate the hand-written condolences.

A well-written, heart-felt condolence letter is a simple way to show your support and sympathy for the person grieving the death of a loved one.

Find out more about How to Write a Condolence Letter in the article that I have recently published on the topic.

Image Source: Nadya Smolskaya. In Closing. Used with Permission.

The Gift of Touch - Quote on Hug (Touch) Therapy

2007-09-10T17:51:00.000-07:00

Today is Free Hugs Day. If you don't know about the inspirational Video that has become a YouTube Phenemonon take a look at the lens that I created on Squidoo.

In the the Spirit of the Free Hugs Campaign, I am passing along the information to you with a quote and a virtual hug to hopefully brighten up your day.

In a world that has grown more complicated, more fierce in the demands made upon our hearts and pocket books, there is one easy, free gift left. The power of touch.

Don't turn away from the elderly, disabled, terminally ill or long term care residents because their needs seem beyond your ability to give. The one thing they need the most is the most simple, yet profound gift you have to give. Your kind hand holding theirs and a hug from your heart.

The gift of touch is the most powerful healing you can offer another, and it is the most powerful healing you can give yourself.

Give generously and watch yourself grow rich in what matters the most. Hug often, hug well...I embrace your spirit....

Kathleen Keating Schloessinger

Free Hug Day - September 10, 2007.
The Free Hugs Campaign began as one person's attempt to make a difference and reach out to others to brighten their lives.

The Free Hug Campaign is a random act of kindness, a selfless act performed by a person for the sole reason of making others feel better.

For More information on Free Hug Day, see the Free Hug Campaign on Squidoo.

Enjoy a Virtual Hug
Here's Your Online Hug:

((( Hug )))
Now go and pass it on to someone else.

Photo Source: Mikas Vitkauskas. Chill in the Evening. Royalty Free Use.

Poetry - To Help You Make it Through

2007-08-29T23:38:00.000-07:00

Sometimes all you need
is to reflect in your mind
one poem that says,

"I can make it through."

Maya Angelou

Written words can be more effective than spoken condolences at reaching the part of a person's heart which is grieving. Poems can provide solace and reach a person on a deeper level than with just the spoken word or a simple touch. Writing poetry can be a way of releasing painful stored emotions by trying to make sense of what is often the insensible.

Poetry can help us realize we are not alone or unique in our grief or desolation. "Someone else has lived through these intense emotions, felt what I am feeling and survived. I am not alone in these feelings of grief."

As Poetry Therapist John Fox so eloquently explains:

Poems speak to us when nothing else will. Poetry helps us to feel our lives rather than be numb. Poem making helps us move through grief, life transitions and illness by providing comfort and sustenance on this difficult journey. At other times of loss and grief, your writing may be a necessity. Drawing from a well of feeling within your bones and soul, these words from within can help you cope in your daily life. Like the wind that echoes a rock face smooth, you can record your truth and loss with your words.

Since it's inception, the Journey of Hearts website has utilized the healing effects of poetry to aid in helping visitors to this site through the grieving process. Many of our poems have been reprinted as memorials in newspapers, yearbooks for those who have died, or spoken at funerals or memorial services.

Do Not Stand at My Grave and Weep - A Collection of Bereavement Poems

Do Not Stand At My Grave and Weep is a helpful resource, an eBook with over 250 poems, quotes, words and readings of comfort for those who have experienced a loss.

I am honored that one of my own poems In Memory of You is included representing a contemporary bereavement poem. You can read In Memory of You in the July Blog Post from this Grief, Loss & Transitions Blog.

Pick up a copy of these carefully selected poems as a way of helping to cope with a loss.

Sources:
Dyer K. Words to Comfort - In Memory of You. July 2007. Grief, Loss & Bereavement Blog.
Dyer K. 911: Poems. Journey of Hearts.
Dyer K. Poems and Words of Inspiration. Journey of Hearts.
Dyer K. Do Not Stand at My Grave and Weep. Squidoo.com

Image Source:
Miguel Ugalde. Stockin Around (Rose). Royalty Free Use.

Do Not Stand at My Grave and Weep - A Beautiful Video to Help in Coping with Loss

2007-08-24T06:44:00.000-07:00

This beautiful video tribute is a very comforting resource for anyone who has experienced a loss. This video can be viewed and used as a way of helping to cope with the loss.

This video features the newer version of Do Not Stand At My Grave And Weep, by Lucie Storrs.

More about the Poem, the Song and the Book
To learn more about the poem Do Not Stand At My Grave and Weep, the musical version of this classic bereavement poem and about an eBook resource visit the Squidoo Lens Dedicated to Do Not Stand At My Grave and Weep.

This lens features several moving musical and video interpretations of Do Not Stand At My Grave and Weep. Be advised that before watching these videos, you may need to get Kleenex especially if you have experienced a recent loss.

More about the Poem:
Dyer KA. New eBook of Comfort - Do Not Stand At My Grave And Weep. July 2007.
Dyer KA. Do Not Stand At My Grave and Weep on Squidoo. July 2007.

Grief, Loss & Comfort Quote - Measuring a Life by the Quality of Moments

2007-08-14T22:24:00.000-07:00

Wonderful sentiments about what is really important when you look back at the end of a life.

At the end of life,
it's the laughter,
the tears,
the shared joys and
the shared heartaches
that we remember.

The wealth,
the work,
the trials
and problems
are as nothing.

It's the quality of our days
and the people we share them with
that make all the difference.
Margaret James

May your days be filled with moments that matter.

Remember for more Grief, Loss & Comfort Quotes see our rotating quotes at the bottom of the page, or click on the Quotations or Quotes label.

Dyer KA. Grief, Loss & Comfort Quotes *Check out the bottom of the blog* http://grief-loss-info.blogspot.com/2007/07/new-blog-feature-grief-loss-comfort.html

Photo Source:Bobbi Dombrowski. Friendship. Royalty Free Use.

Life is still worthwhile if you just smile - An Inspirational Song by Josh Groban

2007-08-09T03:03:00.000-07:00

I just spent some time creating a webpage that will benefit the Josh Groban Foundation, entitled "Grobanites for Charity - Fans Who Make a Difference in the Lives of Children on Squidoo." Josh Groban is one of my favorite singers of all times. I have been fortunate to see him three times in concert, the last time with my daughters, young Josh Groban fans at ages 7 and 5.

I spent a lot of time of time going through the You Tube footage of Josh singing, and will be developing a tribute to Josh - Healing the Grieving Heart with a collection of songs to soothe the grieving heart.

A Pick Me Up to Make You Smile
Here is a video of Josh Groban his rendition of the classic song "Smile" that will remind you to keep smiling. There are two others on the Squidoo lens. These are all good ones to bookmark as a favorite for those days when you are down.

Watch the video and even if you are feeling a bit blue, you may find yourself saying

...what's the use of crying?
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile.

Josh's smile and sincerity is really infectious...in a good way.

Song Lyrics

Lyrics by John Turner and Geoffrey Parsons.
Music written by Charlie Chaplin, 1936.

Smile though your heart is aching;
Smile even though it's breaking.
When there are clouds in the sky, you'll get by.
If you smile through your fear and sorrow,
Smile and maybe tomorrow,
You'll see the sun come shining through for you.

Light up your face with gladness,
Hide every trace of sadness.
Although a tear may be ever so near,
That's the time you must keep on trying,
Smile, what's the use of crying?
You'll find that life is still worthwhile,
If you just smile.

That's the time you must keep on trying,
Smile, what's the use of crying?
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile.

This is a very good song to listen to on those days when everything seems to be filled with sadness as a way of believing that things will get better.

CarePages - Connect, Share, Care

2007-08-06T22:36:00.001-07:00

Journey of Hearts has paired up with CarePages to give our viewers their own place online to create a page to connect, share and care during challenging times. Visit the custom Journey of Hearts CarePages to get started.

What is a CarePage?
A CarePage is a personal, private web page that can be used by family and friends to stay connected and enhance communication when a loved one is facing a long-term illness or at the end of life.

Using a Care Page
Creating a CarePage can be a way of generating support, providing information and updates easily. I think the greatest benefit may be that of holding the loved one in everyone's thoughts so they can do better and get healthy, or feel the love and support of family at the end of life.

You can use our custom Journey of Hearts CarePages to keep family connected when a loved one is facing a challenging illness, or at the end of life.

For More Information

Grief, Loss & Comfort Quote - The Stars Openings in Heaven

2007-07-31T21:52:00.000-07:00

This is one of my favorite comforting quotes. I love the symbolism-- the stars as openings in heaven. I also like using this quote as a way of keeping the memory of loved one alive and feeling his or her presence...by simply going outside at night and gazing up at the starry, starry night.

Perhaps they are not stars,
but rather openings in heaven
where the love of our lost ones
pours through
and shines down upon us
to let us know they are happy.

Eskimo Proverb

Photo Source: 4younity. Starfield. Royalty Free Use.

Words to Comfort - In Memory of You

2007-07-29T22:39:00.000-07:00

Poems Reach and Touch People with Words
It was during college and the later during medical school that I discovered the power of words to help people through the grieving and healing process following a loss.

Words that I have written as poems during difficult moments when I was dealing with the losses of friends and patients have touched people in ways that I never would have imagined possible.

Since it's inception, the Journey of Hearts website has included the healing effects of poetry to aid in helping visitors to this site through the grieving process.

Many of my poems featured on the site have been reprinted as memorials in newspapers, yearbooks for those who have died, or spoken at funerals or memorial services. Most recently my poem, In Memory of You was included as an example of a contemporary bereavement poem in the new eBook, Do Not Stand At My Grave and Weep.

You can read the poem in it's entirety below:

In Memory of You

I find an old photograph
and see your smile.
As I feel your presence anew,
I am filled with warmth
and my heart remembers love.

I read an old card
sent many years ago
during a time of turmoil and confusion.
The soothing words written then
still caress my spirit
and bring me peace.

I remember who you used to be
the laughter we shared
and wonder what you have become.
Where are you now,
Where did you go,
When the body is left behind
and the spirit is released to fly?

Perhaps you are the morning bird
singing joyfully at sunrise,
or the butterfly that dances
so carelessly on the breeze
or the rainbow of colors
that brightens a stormy sky
or the fingers of afternoon mist
delicately reaching over the mountains
or the final few rays of the setting sun
lighting up the skies
edging the clouds with a magical glow.

I miss your being
but I feel your presence,
In whatever form you choose to take,
however you now choose to be.

Your spirit has become for me
a guardian angel on high
guiding, advising, and watching over me.

About the Poem
"In Memory of You" was written on a sunny winter day, penned in response to news of the death of a dear family friend from bone cancer. Her death combined with several other recent significant losses--a childhood friend to the complications of multiple sclerosis at the age of 34, a 22 year old to the long-term effects of anorexia nervosa and a vibrant patient to lung cancer at the age of 38--were the inspiration for the poem.

The deaths of these 4 young women were my primary motivators, but there were many others over the years--patients that I had lost during my days as an EMT (Emergency Medical Technician) or while in medical school and residency training.

"In Memory of You" has been used in many different ways since it was written and shared with hundreds of people since being posted to the Journey of Hearts site in 1998. The poems was featured as one of the healing poems on a collection of poetry assembled on the Journey of Heart site following the September 11th 2001 tragedy. In 2003 the poem was one of several of my poems included in the ABC's of Grief: A Handbook for Survivors. "In Memory of You" was even included as a Poem on the Day on the Poet Seer Site in 2004. In 2006, "In Memory of You" was shared as a resource with the About.com community during my tenure as the Death, Dying and Bereavement guide.

Over the years "In Memory of You" has also been used in with sympathy cards, as a Christmas card inserts, read at funerals and memorials and found it's way onto many Internet memorial sites, often listed as anonymous.

Photo Source: Reading Card. Modified Microsoft Image.

New eBook of Comfort - Do Not Stand At My Grave And Weep

2007-07-27T23:40:00.000-07:00

Do Not Stand At My Grave and Weep is a new resource, an eBook with over 250 poems, quotes, words and readings of comfort for those who have experienced a loss.

This carefully researched and edited collection of poems, quotes and readings combines older, more traditional sympathy and bereavement poems with some of the more recent, contemporary ones. I am honored that one of my own poems "In Memory of You" is included representing a contemporary bereavement poem.

Lucie Storrs of the Light Beyond spent hours looking through books of poems and quotes and searching the Internet to pull together this extensive collection of more than 250 bereavement poems, quotes and readings.

Uses for Do Not Stand At My Grave and Weep
This carefully crafted and edited collection of comforting words can help you find the right words to express your sorrow, whether a loss you have experienced yourself, or finding the right words to help a friend who has experienced a loss.

The Do Not Stand At My Grave and Weep Book is also a very helpful resource for writing a eulogy, funeral or memorial speech. The eBook pdf format makes it easy to navigate the over 250 resources to find and copy the right words to used in writing a funeral or memorial speech.

Some of the many uses for this eBook include:

Funeral speeches
Funeral planning
Memorial Services
Writing Eulogies
Sending Words of Comfort as Condolences
Writing a Sympathy Letter or Note
Grieving a Loss - finding the right words to express how you are feeling
Writing an Obituary or Death Announcement
Reading Classic, Famous and Contemporary Bereavement Poems

Ordering Information
You can order your own copy of Do Not Stand At My Grave and Weep, the special collection of more than 250 poems, quotations and readings to comfort, by clicking on the book title link, or any of the live links in this post or here.

The eBook is available for Immediate Download from the Light Beyond website.

More about the Poem, the Song and the Book
You can learn more about the poem Do Not Stand At My Grave and Weep, the musical version of this classic bereavement poem as well as more about the eBook at the Squidoo Lens Dedicated to Do Not Stand At My Grave and Weep at http://www.squidoo.com/do-not-stand-at-my-grave-and-weep

This lens features several moving musical and video interpretations of Do Not Stand At My Grave and Weep. Be advised that before watching these videos, you may need to get Kleenex especially if you have experienced a recent loss.

New Quotes of Grief, Loss & Comfort - A Reminder to live in the Present

2007-07-23T14:12:00.000-07:00

From time to time I will be adding additional Grief, Loss & Comfort quotes to the site, to enlarge our collection. Here is one that I came across recently, a reminder how rapidly death can arrive, and to focus on the present moment.

Death can come at any minute, in any way.
We do not know what is in store tomorrow, or,
whether there is a tomorrow, or even a tonight!
But still, we have the golden present.
Now we are alive and kicking.
What should we do now? Love all, serve all.

Swami Satchidananda

For More Grief, Loss & Comfort Quotes see our rotating quotes at the bottom of the page.

Dyer KA. Grief, Loss & Comfort Quotes *Check out the bottom of the blog* http://grief-loss-info.blogspot.com/2007/07/new-blog-feature-grief-loss-comfort.html

New Designations - Healthcare/Medical Blogger & Type-A Mom Writer

2007-07-21T12:39:00.000-07:00

My diverse background is surfacing in the two new designations that we are getting for the Grief, Loss & Transitions Blog. I am honored to be attaining both of these designations.

Healthcare Blogger
The first designation as a Medical Blogger or officially a "Healthcare Blogger" comes from my background as a physician.

This designation is meant for healthcare workers who blog (the initial intent of the code of ethics).

The full code of ethics for the Healthcare Bloggers can be found on the Medical Blog Code website.

Type-A Mom Writer
The other designation comes from my background as a mother, a sometimes Type-A personality and as a NICU Parent.

I am an "Official Type-A Mom Writer" contributing to their special section for NICU Parents, blogging on finding "Restoring Moments."

I will be contributing articles and information on various aspects of health and well-being of children.

The latest article that I contributed to the Type-A Mom site featured in yesterday's post, on "More on Helping Children Cope if Harry Potter Dies" with the Type-A Mom article available at "Helping Children Cope if Harry Potter Dies."

More on Helping Children Cope if Harry Potter Dies

2007-07-20T02:10:00.000-07:00

Apparently I had a lot of thoughts on the upcoming Harry Potter Book, "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows" and the possible impact a death of any of these fictional character friends may have on young readers. As parents we'd like to shelter our children from the pain of dealing with a death.

More on Helping Children Cope with the Death of a Friend
After writing yesterday's post on Children are likely to Grieve Over Any Deaths in the Latest Harry Potter Book for this blog more from the position of a grief and loss expert, I contributed some additional thoughts on Helping Children Cope if Harry Potter Dies for the Type-A Mom site, more from the position of being a concerned parent, who is also a grief and loss expert.

This newest blog includes more reasons for concern, why the death of Harry Potter is a big deal along with the Tips for Helping Children Deal with the Death of a Beloved Fictional Friend.

Helping Children Cope with Death and Dying
Perhaps the important thing for parent to remember in the likelihood that several of these characters dies is to try and support your child and help him or her cope with the loss of a friend.

Much as we might like to shelter our children from the realities of death and dying as a parent, the reality is death is a part of life. Last spring, my daughters had to cope with the death of their grandfather.

Read the New Article and Bookmark it
Visit the Type-A Mom site to read Helping Children Cope if Harry Potter Dies.

While visiting the Type-A Mom site, be sure to Digg the article, Babblz the article and add it to your favorite bookmark site.

Source:
Dyer KA. Helping Children Cope if Harry Potter Dies. Type-A Mom Site. July 19, 2007.

Photo Source: Joel Terrell. A Mother and Son Moment. Royalty Free Use.

Children are likely to Grieve Over Any Deaths in the Latest Harry Potter Book

2007-07-19T01:50:00.000-07:00

There have been hints that two of the major characters in Harry Potter, including possibly Harry himself, will be killed in the last of the Harry Potter books, "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows" due out on Saturday July 21, 2007.

Author J.K. Rowling is expected to kill off two characters in this last book as a way to indicate to readers that the Harry Potter series is finally over. There is a concern that young fans of Harry Potter and his friends may have difficulties coping with the death or deaths if their favorite characters are killed off.

Is it Death for Harry Potter?

Deaths of Public Figure can become Teachable Moments
When Steve Irwin was suddenly killed in September last year I was the Death, Dying and Bereavement Guide at About.com. I wrote about talking to a child about the death of the Crocodile Hunter, as being a teachable moment* for parents to share with their children.

With J.K. Rowling's plans to kill off one or more of the Harry Potter characters another teachable moment* may emerge--an opportunity for parents talk with their children about death. It is likely that many children will be saddened by the loss and truly grieve any of the death(s) in the Harry Potter book.

These teachable moments* can be an excellent opportunity for parent to explain the dying and death to a child. In the latest case, parents will probably need to address the death(s) of one of their "friends," the Harry Potter characters.

*A teachable moment is a moment of educational opportunity: a time at which a person, especially a child, is likely to be particularly disposed to learn something or particularly responsive to being taught or made aware of something.

Coping with the Death(s) of a Harry Potter Character(s)
For avid Harry Potter fans it may be very difficult for them to cope with the death of one or more of their characters. Even though parents may take the realistic view that “it’s just a book” the Harry Potter characters are very real to children, and they may be saddened and distressed. Parents, counselors, teachers, psychiatrists and children’s camp leaders are anticipating a lot of teary fans after reading the final book.

Children can experience different emotions in response to a death, even the death of a fictional character. Some will become sad, many will cry, other will become distressed. Other children may not appear to be distressed, rather will take the deaths in stride (or more likely may not want to talk about it). These are all normal reactions to a death.

Depending on the way the death(s) occur, many children may be confused disappointed or distraught. Parents should be sure that they know about how the deaths occurred, in order to answer questions. Read the book or check the fan sites for details.

How to Help Children Cope with a Death
According to child and adolescent psychiatrist Dr. David Fassler:

The death of a well-known public figure can be hard to comprehend or accept. Understandably, some young children may feel sad or confused.

As parents, teachers and caring adults, we can best help by listening and responding in an honest, consistent and supportive manner.

When trying to help a child cope with death it is helpful to:

Know what is going on with the death (In the case of Harry Potter, read the book or synopsis).
Answer his or her questions about death in simple terms.
Not minimize the loss.
Listen to your child.
Be supportive if the child is emotional. (A normal response.)
Be supportive if the child is not emotional. (Also a normal response.)
Be available when the child is ready to talk.
Let your child have time to grieve, be upset and talk about what they are experiencing.
Give your child different ways to express the loss--verbal, written, creative, musical and physical.

Additional Resources to Help Children Cope with Death

Helping Children Cope with Death - By Kirsti A. Dyer MD, MS, FT from Journey of Hearts.
Talking to Children About the Death of a Public Figure - By Dr. David Fassler, from the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry.
Helping Children Cope With Loss - A shorter article from the National Mental Health Association
Talking To Children About Death - An extensive article from Hospice Net, based on a Key Not Speech by J.W.Worden PhD
The Child's Loss: Death, Grief and Mourning - From Dr. Bruce Perry of the ChildTrauma Academy.
Helping Children Cope with Death - Online version from MADD (Mothers Against Drunk Driving). Also available as a downloadable PDF File brochure.

Sources:
Meltz BF. What is a parent to do if Harry or Ron dies? July 18, 2007. The Boston Globe.
Dyer KA. Talking to a Child about the Death of Crocodile Hunter, Steve Irwin ~ A Teachable Moment. September 10, 2006. Dying.about.com
Definition. Teachable Moment. Encarta® World English Dictionary [North American Edition] © 2007.

Photo Source: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. The Leaky Cauldron. http://www.the-leaky-cauldron.org/

Give the Gift of Life through Organ Donation - A Way to Creatively Cope with Grief

2007-07-18T13:19:00.000-07:00

(Blogcatalog asked all members to blog today, Wednesday July 18, in the first world wide blogger social campaign to raise awareness about organ donation and the issues surrounding organ donation. Here is the entry for the Grief, Loss & Transitions Blog from Journey of Hearts. In addition to providing information on becoming an organ donor, I have also included information on how the families of the organ donors cope.)

Organ and tissue donors leave a miraculous legacy. They are living proof that death can bring life, that sorrow can turn to hope, and that a terrible loss can become the greatest gift of all. Every day they lead us on a journey of hope, renewal, and transformation.

National Organ Donors Memorial

Creatively Coping with Grief - Remembering Shannon
I have been inspired for years by the courage demonstrated by Jan and Jules Broom following the unexpected death of their daughter Shannon.

Bookmark Therapy: Jan and Jules created bookmarks from a combination of Shannon's Journal entries, poetry and artwork. They have given out 1,000's of bookmarks over the years.

I keep one of Shannon's Butterfly and Dragonfly bookmarks (shown in the photo) on my desk.

Angel Garden Tree: On Shannon's first birthday in Heaven, Jan and Jules created an Angel Tree in their garden. They laminated photographs of people who had blessed their lives and attached them to a fig tree with wind chimes.

Their Angel tree has grown to include others in the remembrance and celebration of Heaven Days and Angels.

Their story of coping with Shannon's death has been featured in the Healing the Spirit book as "Shannon Lives On." This book looks at nine stories of transformation in families whose loved one became an organ donor.

More Gift of Life Stories to Inspire
The Gift of a Lifetime - Explores the stories of people awaiting organ transplants and puts faces on the topic of donation. The courageous people share their stories about the gift of a lifetime. At: http://www.organtransplants.org/

The Online Memorial Quilt - This online memorial gives visitors the chance to create and share an online commemorative quilt square for their loved ones.
http://www.healingthespirit.org/memorials/onlinequilt/index.php

More Donor/Recipient Stories to Inspire - This collection of stories is from the Organ Donor Site. At: http://www.organdonor.gov/stories/

National Organ Donors Memorial Website - This Website hosts a collection of online tributes to organ and tissue donors created by visitors to the site to honor a loved one. At: http://www.donormemorial.org/

How You Can Become an Organ Donor?
While the Death, Dying and Bereavement guide at About.com, I wrote a series of helpful articles with information on becoming an organ donor. The steps are pretty easy:

Declare your wish on your driver's license.
Join the donor registry if your state has one.
Include organ donation in your advance directives, will and living will.
Most important - Tell your family. They can be your advocate should you become a donor candidate and will be the ones doctors come to for consent.
Tell your physician, attorney, faith or religious leader, and friends.
Complete a donor card and carry it in your wallet.

The main thing to remember it that you need to let your family know of your wishes to donate. Be sure to read the pages on:

Others Blogging to Raise Awareness about Organ Donation

More about the BlogCatalog Organ Donor Awareness Challenge

BlogCatalog Organ Donor Awareness Challenge!
Make History on Wednesday

Sources:
Dyer KA. Organ Donation. October 2006: http://dying.about.com/od/livingafteradeath/ss/organdonate.htm
Health Resource Service Administration (HSRA). Make Your Wishes Known. http://www.organdonor.gov/

Coping with Loss - What Can I Say When a NICU Baby Dies?

2007-07-17T16:34:00.000-07:00

In the past several years my area of expertise based on life experiences has been expanded to include the role of NICU Parent.

I have also shifted my focus to being a professional health educator. One of the main areas of education for me is in the often overlooked areas of grief and bereavement.

My educational expertise has also expanded to include the perspective of a NICU parent. With this new area of expertise, there may be some overlap with the NICU Parent Support site, and sometimes when the Losses discussed are NICU Losses.

Coping with NICU Loss
Today a posting by NICU Doctor on "Loss" in the NICU caught my eye. This is an abbreviated version of the comments that I left.

While my specialty is Internal Medicine, I have also done postgraduate training in grief, loss and bereavement with a special interest in hospice and end-of-life care. In addition, I am a former NICU parent.
Thankfully, we did not have to face the decisions with end-of-life care with our daughter. Since this experience I have explored grief and bereavement in the NICU from the dual perspective of a NICU parent and a grief and bereavement educator.

I recently posted a blog on What can I *say* when a NICU baby dies? for friends and family with a reminder that "words can provide a source of solace, hope, comfort and reassurance--emotions much needed during the grieving process."

Here is the link from the NICU Parent Support Site Blog with suggestions for what people can *say* when a NICU baby dies. Some of these comments are generic enough to work for other people in other situations when a loved one has died.

Sources:
Dyer KA. June 2007. What can I *say* when a NICU baby dies? Neonatal Parent Support Site.
Neonatal Doc. July 2007. Loss. Neonatal Doc. http://neonataldoc.blogspot.com/2007/07/loss.html

Journey of Hearts is also GriefandLoss.info

2007-07-14T09:53:00.000-07:00

Journey of Hearts was created in 1997 by Domain Designer Dr. Kirsti A. Dyer as an online place for anyone grieving a loss. It was the first and only physician based website devoted to educating people about the normal grief response.

After nearly 10 years of service to the Grieving Internet community providing information on Grief and Loss, Journey of Hearts is taking on a more descriptive term and descriptive URL.

Journey of Hearts has been an online place for Grief and Loss info, now it is officially an online place for GriefandLoss.info

This means if you type in GriefandLoss.info into your browser you will discover the Journey of Hearts website.

A New Blog Feature - Grief, Loss & Comfort Quotes Check out the bottom of the blog

2007-07-13T09:03:00.002-07:00

With the redesign, we have finally been able to create a Quote Generator that rotates many of the favorite quotations and words of comfort featured on the Journey of Hearts site.

You can find the Quote Generator at the bottom of the blog page. The quote generator is designed to reveal a new quote every day...an incentive to come back and visit the Grief, Loss & Transitions' blog.

Example

Even in the darkest times, memories of past winters melting into spring can comfort, sustain us and bring hope.

Kirsti A. Dyer MD, MS

A Special Thanks
We would like to give a special acknowledgment of thanks to "Tips for New Bloggers" for making the code available.

Source:
Java Script for Quote of the Day: Tips for New Bloggers. February 10, 2007.
http://tips-for-new-bloggers.blogspot.com/search/label/Quotes%20Widget

Create Your Own CarePages brought to you by Journey of Hearts

2007-07-12T09:03:00.000-07:00

We are pleased to announce that Journey of Hearts has paired up with CarePages to give our viewers their own place online to create a page to connect, share and care.

What is a CarePage?
CarePages unique service allows you to create a personal, private web page to help family and friends communicate when a loved one is facing illness whether at the beginning of life as a newborn, at the end of life, or somewhere in between.

Creating a CarePage can be a way of generating support, providing information and updates easily. I think the greatest benefit may be that of holding the loved one in everyone's thoughts so they can do better and get healthy, or feel the love and support of family at the end of life.

How Can I Use CarePages?
You can use our Journey of Hearts CarePages to keep family connected when a loved one is facing a challenging illness, or at the end of life.

Visit Journey of Heart CarePages: http://www.carepages.com/journeyofhearts
Visit our Squidoo Lens on CarePages: http://www.squidoo.com/carepages for more information.

What has the Comfortdoc/Griefdoc been doing?

2007-07-11T09:22:00.000-07:00

Visitors and supporters of the The Journey of Hearts site will have noticed that the site has been pretty quiet for the last several years, since the birth of my youngest daughter.

While the site may have been quiet, I have been pretty busy. In the past several years I have experience the following major life events:

Birth of a second child who is also my NICU Survivor (Making me a former NICU Parent)
Moved to a New Town when my daughter was 5 months old.
Begun shifting my professional focus to teaching - Nutrition and Wellness and Grief, Loss and Bereavement Courses both at the College and Graduate levels.
Developed The Violet Heart Collection as an online business venture. (Also undergoing revision.)

I have also attained the following additional credentials, certifications and positions:

Certification Fellow in Thanatology from the Association of Death Education and Counselors. As far as I know I am the first physician to receive this designation.
Online Associate Adjunct Professor with Madonna University.
Certified in Online Teaching from Cerro Coso College and Madonna University.
Editor on the topic of Medicine for the Journal of Educators Online.
Founding Member of the Medical Wellness Association.
International Adviser of the Medical Wellness Association.
Editor for Medical Wellness Association Journal.
Executive Advisory Board for the American College of Wellness.
Served as the About.com guide for Death, Dying & Bereavement

Within the last few months I have undertaken the following projects:

Launched NICU Parent Support Site
Created Squidoo Series of Lenses
Joined Type-A Mom as a Contributing Writer and Blogger
Launched Free NICU eBook
Begun the Redesign for the Journey of Hearts site.
Begun the Grief, Loss & Transitions - Journey of Hearts Blog.

Griefdoc is becoming Comfortdoc

2007-07-10T09:57:00.000-07:00

Since the early days of Journey of Hearts, I have used the pseudonym "Griefdoc" as part of my online alias. The focus with this handle was on grief and grieving. See The Grief Doc at http://journeyofhearts.org/about/griefdoc.html

Over the last several years, I have begun using the pseudonym "Comfortdoc" the name you notice I am using as my profile for this blog. The focus with this newer handle is on comfort and comforting, I think a more appropriate name for the purpose of Journey of Hearts.

So with the redesign and refocus of Journey of Hearts, I am shifting my 'handle' from Griefdoc (with the focus on grief) to Comfortdoc (with the focus being on providing comfort).

Why the name "Journey of Hearts"?

2007-07-09T09:05:00.000-07:00

What is a "Journey of Hearts"?
In 1997 following a series of events, I decided to create the first physician-sponsored healing place for people who are grieving on the Internet. It was going to be a place to provide information and nourish the soul.

The byline, "A Healing Place in Cyberspace" came first, chosen for the alliteration. The title for the website was influenced by a book of poetry that I had self-published with a friend in 1996, "Messages from the Heart: A Journey in Healing."

The name "Journey of Hearts" is to remind us how ubiquitous the experience of loss really is...the heart journeys following loss. Visitors to the site have often had their own interpretation of "Journey of Hearts."

Sharing the Losses of Many Hearts
After a loss, our own heart begins to heal after sharing of the losses of many other hearts.

Journey of Hearts was created to remind visitors that we are not alone in our losses or our feelings of grief, that many times someone else will have experienced similar losses (or worse) and survived.

As the grieving person recognizes that others have lived through loss and survived he or she will begin to realize that he/she can survive their own loss.

Journey of Hearts - A Source for Grief, Loss & Transitions

2007-07-08T09:23:00.000-07:00

Journey of Hearts was launched in the Fall of 1997 as "a Healing Place in CyberSpace."

Journey of Hearts: A Healing Place in CyberSpace ... }"{

With the redesign in 2002 the became "An Online Healing Place for Anyone Grieving a Loss."

Journey of Hearts: A Healing Place

As we approach our 10th year on the Internet, Journey of Hearts will be taking on a new byline:

Journey of Hearts -
Resources, Information and Support
For Anyone Grieving a Loss and Living through a Transition

and

Grief Resources, Information and Support
from Journey of Hearts

This new byline will be one that helps people unfamiliar with the site to better understand what the focus of the site has been all along, a web resource for anyone grieving a loss. The new design will allow Journey of Hearts to be more easily discovered by search engines as one of the online resources for Grief, Loss & Transitions.

Welcome to Grief, Loss & Transitions - the New Blog for Journey of Hearts

2007-07-07T09:04:00.000-07:00

Welcome to the New Blog I am starting for visitors and supporters of the Journey of Hearts Website, the original online devoted to Grief and Loss developed by a physician.

Celebrating 10 Years of Service
This fall, Journey of Hearts celebrates our 10th anniversary of service to the grieving Internet Community. We will be updating and redesigning the site in celebration of our 10 years online.

With more than > 600 pages to convert, update and re-edit it will take some time, but we are optimistic that the new site will be available by the anniversary of our launch in October.

In the meantime, new information, articles and resources will be posted to this blog.

Grief, Loss & Transitions - The Journey of Hearts Blog
Much has changed in the 10 years Journey of Hearts has been online. Blogging or keeping a web log wasn't an option. Now blogging is an easy way of quickly updating visitors and providing useful information.

In addition to providing updates to the redesign of Journey of Hearts I also plan to provide information and resources for anyone grieving a loss and living through life transitions.

A Labor of Love - A Gift to the Grieving Internet Community
Since the beginning planning stages of the site in September 1997 to it's launch in October of that year, the Journey of Hearts site has been physically and financially maintained by Dr. Kirsti A. Dyer and her husband Cole D. Thompson.

The entire operating costs including the thousands of hours over the last 10 years to write, design, host and maintain the web resource have been donated.

From the beginning to 10 years later, Journey of Hearts has been a labor of love, created in my free time. Because of the continued messages and positive feedback on the site, we believe it is a resource that needs to continue.

Grief, Loss & Transitions - Journey of Hearts Blog

Healers and Healing - Learning to Let Go

An Angel Blessing for Those in Challenging Times

Poems for Healing - A Better Place

Seeds of Promise - A Poem of Hope

A New Look for the Grief, Loss & Transitions Blog

Engage with Grace Project - Thanksgiving Blog Rally

Poems for Healing: The Messenger

Water Blessing Label Bookmarks for Focused Healing

Remembering on the 8th Anniversary of September 11, 2001

Senator Kennedy's Gift of Time: Dying on His Own Terms

Motherland the Film - A Tribute to Those Coping with Grief

Gone Too Soon - Michael Jackson's Prophetic Song

Smile - A Beautiful Heartfelt Musical Memorial

Pocket Cemetery Inspired by Recent Celebrity Deaths

Rest in Peace - June's Deaths

Strength in Adversity - Quote from Grey's Anatomy

Surviving a Crisis - Quote from Grey's Anatomy

Water Blessing Labels a Way to Help with Healing and Coping

Do Not Stand At My Grave And Weep an eBook of Comfort

More Resources for Coping with the Sudden Death of a Child

Deepest Sympathies to John Travolta and Kelly Preston on the Loss of their son, Jett

Poems for Times of Turmoil

Growing from Challenges

Coping with Challenging Times - Face It!

Dr. Dyer to talk about the Anniversary Response and Healing on 9/11

What is an Anniversary Response or Anniversary Reaction?

Taking Life Moment by Moment and TAKE CARE

Being with a Dying Person - A Sacred Event

Just Be

Earth Hour - Turn out the Lights on 3/29 Prevent the Loss of the Planet

Life Transitions - Challenges that Test the Soul

Loss, Grief, Bereavement and Mourning - the Terms

Light a Candle for Sacred Life Sunday

Celebrating Sacred Life Sunday

Grief, Loss & Transitions is Now a Passionate Blog

How to Write a Condolence Note or Send a Sympathy Card

Coping with Sudden Death - A Series of Recent School Shootings

A Virtual Hug for You on Valentine's Day... Pass it On

Be Inspired by A Knock at the Door

A Cleansing, Healing Candle Burning Ceremony

Coping with Valentine's Day as a Single

How to Write a Condolence Letter

The Gift of Touch - Quote on Hug (Touch) Therapy

Poetry - To Help You Make it Through

Do Not Stand at My Grave and Weep - A Beautiful Video to Help in Coping with Loss

Grief, Loss & Comfort Quote - Measuring a Life by the Quality of Moments

Life is still worthwhile if you just smile - An Inspirational Song by Josh Groban

CarePages - Connect, Share, Care

Grief, Loss & Comfort Quote - The Stars Openings in Heaven

Words to Comfort - In Memory of You

New eBook of Comfort - Do Not Stand At My Grave And Weep

New Quotes of Grief, Loss & Comfort - A Reminder to live in the Present

New Designations - Healthcare/Medical Blogger & Type-A Mom Writer

More on Helping Children Cope if Harry Potter Dies

Children are likely to Grieve Over Any Deaths in the Latest Harry Potter Book

Give the Gift of Life through Organ Donation - A Way to Creatively Cope with Grief

Coping with Loss - What Can I Say When a NICU Baby Dies?

Journey of Hearts is also GriefandLoss.info

A New Blog Feature - Grief, Loss & Comfort Quotes *Check out the bottom of the blog*

Create Your Own CarePages brought to you by Journey of Hearts

What has the Comfortdoc/Griefdoc been doing?

Griefdoc is becoming Comfortdoc

Why the name "Journey of Hearts"?

Journey of Hearts - A Source for Grief, Loss & Transitions

Welcome to Grief, Loss & Transitions - the New Blog for Journey of Hearts

A New Blog Feature - Grief, Loss & Comfort Quotes Check out the bottom of the blog